Team Lifting at Target

Last night Michelle and I went Christmas shopping to wrap up most of the final gifts on our list. Afterwards we debated and disagreed on a spot for dinner. Back and forth we went- Thai, Chinese, Alexander’s, Logan’s and more. In a fit of frustration I suggested McDonalds and Michelle agreed. I headed that way until she realized I was serious and called me off.

We ended up at the local pub for a burger and beer. I was so hungry at that point I could care less where we ate.

Our shopping excursion was at Target and we about broke the bank. One of the items we bought is classified by Target as a “team lift.” This means 2-4 people, depending on the weight of the item, are required by company policy to help lift the item off a shelf or sales floor. This particular item listed the proper number as 3.

I asked for help getting the large and weighty item off the shelf and to the front of the store for check-out. A petite clerk answered my call from help (one of those “I need help” buttons in the aisle at Target I love so much. I’m working up the nerve one day to push the button and when help arrives, ask them for career advice). She saw what I wanted to buy and went to get more help. In a few minutes the petite clerk arrived with a flat-bed cart and one other short female clerk.

Now this items weighs at least 250 pounds. As they leaned in to lift it up I jumped in to help.

“Sir, you can’t lift this, it’s against store policy- we’ll take care of it”

So there I stood… a large and relatively strong man, watching as two little ladies struggled with everything they had to lift the item. I felt like a union boss or a construction supervisor.

As they lifted it (well, it sort of fell off the low shelf as they grabbed on for dear life to keep it from falling on them and ending their short lives) I noticed the back was totally scratched up. I asked for the other one that was behind it.

They had to move the original one they removed from the shelf nearby and lean it up against a wall while they struggled to get the second one on the cart. After several minutes and just a few life-ending close calls, they succeeded.

These girls have a great future in commercial and residential moving.

Temporary Insanity

How do I know I was temporarily insane yesterday? I went shopping in the real world.

I appreciate the plight of retail clerks. I was one. Though my career in that field was relatively short (I did a 2 year stint at Sears as a shoe salesman and then a couple years managing a women’s shoe store), I understand the pressure they are under. It’s no fun dealing with rude customers, long hours, weekend work, low pay, and much more.

Once in a while, though, I run into folks that work retail that really should be in the stock room packing and unpacking boxes instead of interfacing with customers.

Yesterday I ran into 5 of them in two different stores…within 20 minutes.

Last week I bought the new version of the Blackberry Curve. It was a pleasant experience as I actually had the full attention of the salesman, I knew my user name and password for my existing account (speeding up the transfer process), and the phone is awesome.

Yesterday I decided to pick up some gel cases for the phone and a memory card to hold all the music, video and photos I want to carry around with me (the ones that wont fit into my 16gig iTouch). A bit gadgeterialy excessive, but then again…I am compelled by some inner force I can’t control.

I stopped by an AT&T (formerly Cingular) store and was greeted with the offensive stink of some sort of combination of pizza, Shane’s Rib Shack ribs and, I think, curry. Two AT&T sales reps sat at their desks with customers finalizing deals with each of them for new phones. One of them acknowledged my arrival and said “We’ll be right with you.”

Ok. No problem. I went right over to the accessories, picked up a case of gels, grabbed a 2gig card and stood patiently near the sales desks. After 15 minutes of listening to both reps SLOWLY go through the sales process and each chit-chat about what they got for Christmas, what movies were they going to see this weekend, and that Chad was gong to have a big New Years party at his house and that Alisa was not invited, and so much, much more…I realized that there was probably another 10-15 minutes of waiting in my immediate future. I set the cheap case of gels on the counter, laid next to it the memory card, and walked out of the store.

I decided to go to the “big’ AT&T (formerly Cingular) store in Cool Springs, knowing they both had more staff to help, AND, didn’t allow that staff to eat stinky rotten lunch food on the sales floor. As soon as I walked in I was approached and greeted by a lovely lady who asked if she could help me.

“Absolutely” I said, and proceeded to tell her what I needed. She walked me over to the phone case section, pulled out exactly what I needed, headed over to memory cards and pulled the 2gig card for me as well. I noticed there was a 4gig card next to it and pointed and smiled like a little kid and said “mmm…I want that one!”

“I’m sorry sir, your particular model of Blackberry is only designed at this time to manage a maximum 2gig memory card.” So, I have a reason to get the newer phone in a few months it seems.

She handed the two items to me, walked me to the sales counter and said “they can check you out here- have a happy new year!” Wow, so kind and helpful. It ended there.

I stood in front of the counter with 4 people behind it. Person #1 on my far left was talking on his cell phone. Person #2 in front of me was on her stool sideways talking to person #3 who was engaged on his computer. Person #4 was intently working on his computer as well. I waited patiently. No one acknowledged I was standing there. A minute went by. Then 2, and finally 3. I was checking my Blackberry that was eagerly awaiting to try on it’s new gel case.

A bit after the 3 minute mark, when none of the 4 even looked up at me, I kinda lost it. I put my Blackberry down, along side the gel cases and memory card, and did something a bit wacky. I jumped 3 big jumping jacks, waving my hands wildly, and said, too loudly, “Hello! I’m here!”

The store went quiet (there were probably 7 or 8 customers in the store, and about as many staff). The 4 sales people snapped to attention to see what crazy person was making all the noise and they all locked eyes on me for the first time. “Thank you! I said- I was beginning to think you guys couldn’t see me.” I said this with a pleasant smile on my face and in a joking manner so as to let them know I wasn’t as crazy as they must think. Kind of like, wow, isn’t it funny I just did that? Person #2 said, as she then turned to get busy on her computer, “we’ll be right with you sir.” The other 3 went back to whatever they were doing.

The friendly greeter came over with a smile and said “I’m sorry- hey guys, could someone check this customer out, he’s just buying accessories.” Person # 2 said “we’ll be right with him.” My kind protector, the greeter lady, walked away.

I stood there for another minute with no end in sight and then addressed the four once more in a much more quiet and gentle voice, saying “I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to walk out of here right now with this stuff without paying. If you would like me to pay, just let me know before I leave.”

Just then greeter lady returned with the manager and he asked person #4 to please take care of me right now. He did. As I left greeter girl apologized and explained they were really busy.

Reconfirmed for me that I need to do and buy EVERYTHING online that I can.

Home Shopping

This morning I accompanied one of my clients to a taping for a home shopping network segment. It was a make-shift studio set-up in a very large room at the convention center in Atlanta. They did a surprisingly good job of making the room look and feel like a studio, and the team there did a wonderful job working with my client.

Watching the hostess of the show talk to my client during the taping was fun. The veil of deep relationship that people pull over themselves when performing like this is fascinating. Whether its co-hosts or presenters on an awards show, guests on the couch on a talk-show, or product developers and creators on home shopping shows, everyone that is on the stage with a bright light and a camera on them are BFF (best friends forever) while on camera.

Big smiles, lingering hugs, high-pitched voices, hand-holding and deep kindly stares as someone is talking. The lights go off, the cameras turned off, and the real world begins again. Most often a batch of strangers that really do not know each other at all and are off to the next thing.

Funny.

The Weak Link

House, car, television and now a kite. These are things I wanted to buy, and tried to buy, but the experience was ruined by the negative power of a single person.

So much goes into the production and sales of things. Teams of product developers get the ok from teams of financiers and visionaries. They start to make or build stuff. They hand those things off to marketers that strive to identify the proper demographic targets and how they can be reached. They then craft the marketing message and decide how, when and to whom that message is delivered. The sales teams take the product and message to retailers, dealers and distributors. Manufacturing and operations people then take over and make sure the product is available at the right places and the right times to meet anticipated demand. Then some person receives the product, unpacks it, sets it on the shelf and waits for the sales.

All the work and passion that has been put into a product is resting on the last person in the chain- the last link. This person has an amazing power to make or break a deal simply by the nature of their attitude and demeanor as well as product knowledge. This is the retail clerk.

Yesterday I was dead-set on buying a new kite. The whole family trekked with me into a kite store right on the beach in Okaloosa Island in Florida. The cash in my pocket was screaming to be spent and our plan was to have a delicious breakfast at The Breakfast Club restaurant at Okaloosa’s Boardwalk, and then walk a short distance to the Kitty Hawk kite store.

It was a disappointing morning. Turns out The Breakfast Club closed after hurricane Ivan, never to open again. We got back into the car and went to IHOP instead. After eating we came back to the Boardwalk and went into the kite store. I was overwhelmed with the selection.

I had no idea what I was doing. The last time I bought a kite in a place other than a mass merchant retailer that had 2 to choose from was…never. I wandered around confused by all the different types of kites and knew I needed help. The one employee on duty was wearing a name tag that indicated she was the Assistant Manager.

Apparently the retail management training she had undergone practiced a whole new non-conformist curriculum. They must have taught retail managers how to break the mold and stand out from the crowd. She looked angry and bitter, avoided all eye contact, and was too preoccupied unpacking boxes to help me spend my money and fulfill the hopes and dreams of visionary kite creators waiting each week to see how many of their creations were sold around the country.

I wanted to see how long it would take for her to ask me if I needed help. I gave up after 20 minutes or so. I approached her with a kite I thought would work for me and asked where I could find extra string. I brought it up to the fort she had been guarding non-stop since I came in (also known as the sales counter) and set it down in front of her. I asked her what type of string was included and where I could find another 500-1000 feet of it to add to this purchase. Here is our dialogue best I can recall:

AsstMgr: “You want to buy THIS kite?”

Me: “Umm..yes?”

AsstMgr: “Do you know how to use one of these kites?”

Me: “I think so”

AsstMgr: “Well I don’t think you do, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking for more line. This is a stunt kite. It uses a set length dual-line and the manufacturer puts the right amount of line in the package.”

Me: Thinking, not said out loud- HALLELUJAH! Information from on high! I’m finally getting somewhere on my journey to buy a kite today even though right now I feel like an imbecile that doesn’t even know how to BUY a kite much less fly one.

Me: Waiting for her to say something else. Nothing coming. Still nothing coming. I give up- “ok, then could you help me find a…umm…normal kite?”

AsstMgr: “Well what exactly are you looking for?”

Me: Trying to lead her away from the fort and towards the kites, her not moving “I guess a normal kite. You know, a regular one you fly. I’m not sure how else to describe what I’m looking for. Could you help me?”

AsstMgr: Didn’t say anything, but she finally put down her clipboard and walked out from behind the counter. I was amazed to see she had movable legs.

She walked with me to where the kites were- thousands of them. She asked me which one I wanted. I almost yelled at her “that’s exactly what I need you to help me with!” I pointed out one hanging from the ceiling I thought looked cool. “That one is out of stock” she said. I pointed out another one that would probably be my next pick. “I sold the last one of those last week.”

I then asked her if I could buy the display model of one of the two kites I liked. She said no- they don’t sell the displays. She seemed very interested in getting this conversation over with and back to her clipboard. She had work to do.

I left without buying a kite. Our plans to go to the beach later that day to fly our new kite were dashed on the pounding surf of Okaloosa Island Beach. I could almost hear the silent screams of a million designers, investors, manufacturers, distributors, retail store owners and their families that need to pay for braces and college deprived of yet another few dollars of income.






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Follow The Leader

Yesterday I did something I RARELY ever do. Something I despise. I would rather have hot irons poked in my eyes. I went to the mall.

It was a special occasion of course. What else would bring me there? Three of our girls pulled awesome grades in their ½ year reports. Our youngest, R, didn’t qualify as pre-schools have not yet started handing out grades. A is in second grade, and while good performance in that grade is wonderful there is something not quite exciting about getting an S (satisfactory progress) versus an NI (needs improvement). Somewhere around fourth grade the As, Bs, Cs, Ds and Es start to kick in.

K & L nailed wonderful grades yet again. We are very proud of them. K pulled an A in algebra (the final I helped her study for and wrote about in Write This Expression In Point Slope Form put her over the top)- that was the one subject that threatened the fait accompli.

The reward for the girls (including R- we couldn’t just leave her out in the cold just because she’s in pre-school) was a shopping spree at the mall. And so the fun began.

I brought my trusty Blackberry and so was able to occupy myself checking e-mail (honestly, 95% of the time was spent playing Texas Hold’em and Chess), and spent most of my time standing in front of each store, on the couches our mall has mercilessly installed for men, or hanging both arms on top of a garment rack while wondering if a pair of Jacks would win the pot.

While waiting in front of yet another store, I witnessed a three year old girl completely directing and orchestrating the life of her family. She decided she wanted to press the elevator button. Her dad allowed her, and mom and two other kids waited patiently. She then decided she wanted to continue pushing the button, non-stop, until the second-coming.

By the time the people on the second floor had loaded into the elevator and were ready for the adventurous journey to a lower level of hell, their departure was delayed by this sweet little three year old that was trying to save their eternal souls and keep them from their decent. Doors closing, button pushed again, doors open, repeat. (By the way, after thinking about this a few minutes, I think the parallels between a mall and hell are amazingly numerous. Perhaps I will delve into that another day).

The dad was trying to gently direct the little one away from the elevator and back to the circular path to nowhere everyone else on the second floor was mindlessly walking. She would have none of it. She had mastered the squinch-down, drop, twist and roll maneuver that popped her out on the backside of dad and made a bee-line for the elevator button yet again as the doors were closing. Mom and the other kids just sat there watching, most likely accustomed to delays caused by this wonderful little girl.

This continued for a couple minutes, and as dad tried to get a bit more forceful, the girl got more emotional and started crying, screaming and throwing a tizzy-fit. As it continued, and as I watched a growing crowd of onlookers lose patience, it took all that was in me to hold me back. With every ounce of my being I wanted to walk up the man and say “For the sake of all that is good, man, get control of your three year old, pick her up and administer whatever discipline is necessary to get control of your families life back into their own hands. If you don’t, I will.”

Of course I said nothing. I just observed and was amazed. What finally got the girl to give up on the elevator button? She spotted something that was interesting in the opposite direction the family was originally headed and shot off. The rest of the family dutifully obeyed, reversed course, and fast-walked to catch up to the head of the household.







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No Cruising Zone

Christmas season is officially underway in our home. I know for sure because yesterday I went to the mall. That only happens once a year.

We made a family day of it and after dropping off our girl A for a birthday party at Build-a-Bear, walked the length and width of Cool Springs Galleria’s two levels, grabbing lunch in the food court (ugh).

After making a few purchases, and picking up A from the party, we headed to the car. Our daughter L wanted to go back to JCPenney’s to buy a shirt she really liked. I asked her why she hadn’t bought it when she saw it, and it turns out Michelle is training her in proper shopping etiquette.

“If you see something you really like, and you really want it, and can afford it- don’t buy it. Keep shopping because somewhere else you may chance upon something better, or at least the same thing at a lower price.”

My philosophy is different- it ends in BUY IT.

We decided to drop Michelle and L off at Penneys while the rest of the family stayed in the car as the store was on the other side of the mall. After dropping them off, and realizing there was not a single parking space anywhere to be seen, we did the only thing we could do: Turn up the radio, drive up, down and around the parking lot killing time, glance to see if the ladies had emerged from Hades, Repeat.

By doing so I was able to observe a human condition I have labeled PSDS- Parking Space Deficit Syndrome.

I was stuck behind one older lady driving down a long aisle, literally going 2mph as she scanned her surroundings for the tell-tale signs of reverse lights, even though no one was walking to their car in our aisle. By the time we got to the end of the lane there were at least 10 cars behind me.

Another guy was exchanging words with a driver as he stood guard over an open space blocking it with his body. From what I could hear as we slowly passed, it seems he was with his buddy in the next aisle and saw the space open, jumped out and crossed over to lay claim until his friend got there.

At one point we were cruising behind another car down an aisle when I saw a hidden open space (the ones tucked behind Ford Excursions you can never see until you pass them). The lady in the car ahead passed it before she saw it, hit her breaks, realized she lost it to me and threw her hands up in frustration, starting to move forward again. She was amazed when I flashed my lights at her, called her back, and reversed 20 feet to give her the space. She looked like she was going to cry. I think I made her day.






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