Open Mouth, Insert Foot, Get Wife Angry

Well, she’s not really angry. More like irritated. My oldest daughter too- she was there for my quip.

Late last night the three of us were lounging on our bed as Michelle and K were getting ready to watch the latest Tivo’d “The Closer” as I was getting ready to head down to the office and get a few things done. We were chatting about our day when Michelle talked about a phone call she had during the day.

She got a call about something we have to do today that required a decent amount of information transfer to coordinate all that has to happen to have today end organized and efficient. The call went much longer than she cared for it to. Her girlfriend went on and on about the details while our nephew, C (Michelle babysits him on Mondays) cried, laundry had to get done, and general chaos and craziness ruled the house.

As K and I listened to her woeful story Michelle lamented that the call went on and on, filled with so much back-story and detail that all she could do was listen- she couldn’t insert a comment, express her concern that she needed to wrap up the call, couldn’t do anything to stop the torrent of information.

She wrapped up the story by saying “It was unbelievable- the talking just kept coming…it was like talking to…”

She was about to say the name of a character from the Jane Austen film “Emma” that we had just watched. The kindly aunt that would barely breathe between long soliloquies that drowned out the whole of the earth.

I didn’t let her finish her sentence…I interjected “a woman.”

I laughed. Michelle and K didn’t.






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K & Queen Elizabeth

Yesterday Michelle, K and I watched “Elizabeth” starring Cate Blanchett. There were more than a few scenes and bits of dialogue that made us uncomfortable watching it with our 13 year old girl, but K is very mature for her age and seems to understand that unfortunately the world is full of people that use coarse language and seek their own welfare above others (this resulting in horrible conduct such as theft, deceit, murder, plotting and all sorts of court intrigue- both in ancient times and the modern age).

K seems to hold a fascination with history. Just like her old man. She has traveled to Rome and surrounding areas, wants to travel the rest of Europe, and enjoys reading and learning about history.

Watching Queen Elizabeth in the film, as she matures from a young girl with barely a care in the world into a woman with strength of character, a clear vision for what is right, and developing immense power and influence, has to be encouraging to a young girl wondering what it is to be a woman.

Same thing happened when we watched Joan of Arc. These are women, no doubt as flawed and broken as any woman or man is, pursuing what they believe is right, called by God- or at least used by Him- to make an impact and change the world.

We talk to our girls about purpose and destiny. It is important to remind them that they have the power to change the world. It is also important to remind them that can take many shapes. It could be as grand as discovering a cure for a disease, or as simple as writing a book. As rewarding as starting a business that provides income and stability for others that allows them to raise and care for a family, or as private as serving a local ministry. As publicly lauded as being a doctor or nurse and saving a life, or as quiet and faithful as building up the life of a child as a mom.

My whole life I have regarded women as equals, though I believe men and women have their own uniquely God-given traits that are designed to support work with each other. But helping my wife raise daughters has brought on a whole new appreciation of girls as they grow into women. To see them process life and all that happens, to see their hearts and minds develop is awesome. It is so important to lift up examples of women that are kind, virtuous, intelligent and caring, starting with their mother, to counter all that the world has to show- what it presents as what a woman is, is about, and is good for.

Side note - As I prepared to post this and read back through it, It seems to me that my words make me out to be more than I am. To be clear so as not to leave any false impression, I can be an ass like the next guy. But at least when I am, I’m a self-aware ass.






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The Quietest Women Love The Loudest Whistle

My recently deceased position as president of a start-up kids safety company allowed me to dabble once again in product development. Our core product- the safety video mentioned in a previous post- was selling very well, but we needed to expand our brand offering quickly to respond to consumer demand. A follow-up video was $500k and a year away.

The team started throwing out ideas that fit the criteria I laid out- safety related while also fun for kids. A whistle was high on the list, and my first pick for development. We researched manufacturers and found one that intrigued us. All Weather Safety Whistle Company out of St. Louis MO touted themselves as the manufacturer of the loudest whistle in the world. We ordered a few samples and tested them out.

They have plenty of data on their website to prove their superiority- several scientific tests that measured them against competitors, and of course a list of clients that use their whistles that include US Special Forces, Army, Navy, Coast Guard, NYPD and NFL referees. But what do they know?

My four girls tested the whistles all over our 11 acre spread. Could they hear it from 500 feet away? Check. 1000 feet away? Check. Underwater in the pool? Check. Yes- the whistles work underwater. Amazing.

We decided to use this manufacturer, put our logo on it, place it in a nifty package, and sell away. It has been one of the strongest sellers on our website. We have heard from customers about how they have used the whistles to protect themselves or loved ones. An unintended benefit has come from offering the whistles- it has attracted new customers outside of our core target of moms with young kids. The whistles are selling well to older parents buying them for personal safety, or for their college age daughters. Very interesting.

Well, on to the purpose of this post. Last year during a couple of conventions we attended (The National PTA Convention and the Mothers of Pre-Schoolers Convention) we spread our wares out on our booth table. Our booth staff diligently fished for customers, answered questions, processed purchases and collected names and e-mail addresses. I noticed the whistle was not selling well at the first convention and thought we needed something that would make it stand out.

My idea? Place a whistle on the front table with a sign that read: “This is the loudest whistle in the world. We dare you to blow it.”

That was all it took. Every few minutes we had a woman take the challenge. Sometimes with friends that goaded her to try, sometimes on her own and curious. The blast would SHUT DOWN the entire convention floor for 2 seconds or so, and everyone in the aisle would turn and stare in surprise thinking “so that’s where the whistle sound has been coming from all day.”

We sold a large number of whistles at both events, got every other vendor that knew who we were to hate our guts, and on one occasion had a security guard come tell us to stop (we didn’t listen to him. Hey- we paid our money for the booth, and this was product sampling. Sorry).

I was fascinated by the type of women that would end up blowing the whistle. All types considered it. The loud boisterous types, the funny life-of-the-party types, the artists, the business women, all types. The ones that you could count on to take up the challenge? The quiet, reserved, and generally unassuming women.

This was their chance to prove they could rock the boat, party out and raise a ruckus with the best of them. They tended to also ask if they would get a prize or a discount if they blew it. The answer was no, but that didn't stop them.






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No Cruising Zone

Christmas season is officially underway in our home. I know for sure because yesterday I went to the mall. That only happens once a year.

We made a family day of it and after dropping off our girl A for a birthday party at Build-a-Bear, walked the length and width of Cool Springs Galleria’s two levels, grabbing lunch in the food court (ugh).

After making a few purchases, and picking up A from the party, we headed to the car. Our daughter L wanted to go back to JCPenney’s to buy a shirt she really liked. I asked her why she hadn’t bought it when she saw it, and it turns out Michelle is training her in proper shopping etiquette.

“If you see something you really like, and you really want it, and can afford it- don’t buy it. Keep shopping because somewhere else you may chance upon something better, or at least the same thing at a lower price.”

My philosophy is different- it ends in BUY IT.

We decided to drop Michelle and L off at Penneys while the rest of the family stayed in the car as the store was on the other side of the mall. After dropping them off, and realizing there was not a single parking space anywhere to be seen, we did the only thing we could do: Turn up the radio, drive up, down and around the parking lot killing time, glance to see if the ladies had emerged from Hades, Repeat.

By doing so I was able to observe a human condition I have labeled PSDS- Parking Space Deficit Syndrome.

I was stuck behind one older lady driving down a long aisle, literally going 2mph as she scanned her surroundings for the tell-tale signs of reverse lights, even though no one was walking to their car in our aisle. By the time we got to the end of the lane there were at least 10 cars behind me.

Another guy was exchanging words with a driver as he stood guard over an open space blocking it with his body. From what I could hear as we slowly passed, it seems he was with his buddy in the next aisle and saw the space open, jumped out and crossed over to lay claim until his friend got there.

At one point we were cruising behind another car down an aisle when I saw a hidden open space (the ones tucked behind Ford Excursions you can never see until you pass them). The lady in the car ahead passed it before she saw it, hit her breaks, realized she lost it to me and threw her hands up in frustration, starting to move forward again. She was amazed when I flashed my lights at her, called her back, and reversed 20 feet to give her the space. She looked like she was going to cry. I think I made her day.






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New Study Leaves Me Speechless

Perusing through the news last night I found this gem: “Women talk three times as much as men, says study.” I imagine Fiona Macrae, a writer for the UK’s Daily Mail, delivered this to her editor with a straight face truly believing she was reporting the news.

Meanwhile, 50% of the worlds population- the men- (well...maybe more like 48% or so if you catch my drift) see the report as just another 700+ time-consuming words thrown around about something they already know. Time wasted that could be better put to use watching sports or hanging out in the workshop (or for me, playing Battlefield 2 on the PC).

The key findings from the study:

• Women talk almost three times as much as men, with the average woman chalking up 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man.
• Women also speak more quickly, devote more brainpower to chit-chat - and actually get a buzz out of hearing their own voices.
• Girls arrive already wired as girls, and boys arrive already wired as boys. Their brains are different by the time they're born.
  

Dr. Luan Brizendine gathered the data from this new study to put forth her findings in a new book titled 'The Female Brain.' My favorite quote from the “news” story is this from Dr. Brizendine:

"Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road."

Love it. So true, and apparently, so newsworthy to the good doctor from San Francisco. As I read the “news” story it became clear that this book and the findings in it mark a huge change in Luan’s life. She seems to have turned over a new leaf- pledging it seems to now favor truth over political correctness. She admits this clearly in her next quote:

"I know it is not politically correct to say this but I've been torn for years between my politics and what science is telling us. I believe women actually perceive the world differently from men.”

Torn for years between "my politics" and what science is telling us? Hmmm. I wonder how many other scientists and doctors in her field, or in other fields of study, have the same problem?

Perhaps after Dr. Brizendine uttered these words to the reporter, she remembered that soon after the publication of the “news” story, she would have to hang out with her female friends for drinks and deal with glaring evil stares and 10-20,000 words worth of bile. She quickly redeemed herself by throwing out a bit of reverse-sexist red-meat:

Fiona Macrae writes “Dr Brizendine explains that testosterone also reduces the size of the section of the brain in men involved in hearing - allowing them to become "deaf" to the most logical of arguments put forward by their wives and girlfriends.”

Hilarious.

So here’s how it boils down for me personally. My wife talks way more than I do. I do not listen very well. I have a hard time talking about what is going on inside my head and heart. That is why I started this blog. I am able to sit here and drink coffee, listen to music and pour out thoughts and ideas (and I guess feelings or emotions of some kind- but I hate admit that) without having to say a single word.

Later the same day my wife reads my blog and voilà- we are communicating!

Michelle- if you are counting- please include the 1000-1500 words per day from this blog to my normal 7,000 or so spoken words. That is somewhere around a 14.29% - 21.42% increase over the norm. Progress!