Counter Culture

I think I am. I think I’m rock solid counter-culture.

The evidence?

1. I not only didn’t vote for Mr. Obama, I’ve actually not listened to a complete sentence he’s uttered since taking office. While not voting for him isn’t counter-culture (you may recall 60 million people voted against Obama), I think not listening to him read his teleprompter counts for something.

2. I’ve never watched a single episode of any reality TV show. No survivor, no Great Race, Biggest Loser, or anything else. Ever.

3. I cant stomach pop culture heroes or celebrities. On my short list of things I would get rid of if I ruled the world, celebrity shows and rags would be pretty high on the list.

4. I’ve never watched a full episode of American Idol. I’ve seen bits and pieces, and its just too painful to watch.

5. I believe in and support a few no-brainers: a secure border and immigration law, low taxes, a reduced federal government (by 50% or more) and reduced state government (by 30% or more), an end to most entitlement programs, the privatization of social security, and much more. Don’t tread on me baby.

6. I put God, family and country ahead of everything else.

7. I believe the United States of America is this worlds last great hope for personal liberty, peace and security…. And its about 60% gone as we’ve come to know and love it.

And This Is The Problem With News...

It's been raining like crazy this season in middle Tennessee, but you won't see this headline:

DROUGHT NOT A PROBLEM IN TENNESSEE

Thank you Westhaven

I live about 10 minutes west of Franklin TN in a horse farm community called Leiper’s Fork. Or at least I used to. I mean, used to be 10 minutes from Franklin. Now it’s 15-20 or more.

We moved here for the serenity, land, creeks and rivers and wildlife. A stable plot of land to live on that I never had growing up- my father was in the air force and we moved about often always living in military housing.

The commute from our country home to the places we shop, meet and do business (Franklin, Cool Springs and Brentwood) has always been a quick drive away using Highway 96. The 55MPH speed limit (meaning of course everyone drove 60 or 65) allowed quick access to the “outside” world.

A couple years ago a new development/sub-division popped up nearby called Westhaven. It’s a lovely area packed tightly with semi-custom built homes and a promising close community feel ahead as they begin to attract little shops and stores to the area. With this development, and the increasing population from this future town-within-a-town, has come a new speed limit on Highway 96 that runs parallel to Westhaven.

Franklin city has deemed it necessary to drop the speed limit to 40MPH. Now, as I drive this stretch for several miles, seeing little more than trees, cows, a few other cars, and an occasional hawk flying by, I am pained by the creeping speed that adds valuable minutes to my commute.

As for the benefit to Franklin there is no doubt. I would estimate its paying for the new downtown facelift with revenue from speeding tickets. As locals struggle to adjust to the new ridiculously low speed limit after a generation of 55MPH or greater on the road, the local police now hang out there more frequently that the local donut or coffee joints. It’s not uncommon to see 2 cars pulled over driving one way on the road, and 2 more on the way back in the afternoon.

I must admit- to anyone outside this area that deals with real traffic issues and commute times (my sister drives an hour and a half each way to work), these paltry 5-10 minutes must sound absolutely ridiculous.

Nicole Kidman Ruined My Plans

The Good Cup in the Grassland area (no-mans land between Brentwood and Franklin TN) has been my favorite go-to place to have a great cup of coffee and business meeting and escape the insanity of the local Starbucks scene. Could a Starbucks shop BE ANY LOUDER???

I actually think they designed the walls and ceilings to bounce back 150% of the noise from the milk steamer, clanked metal utensils and the insanely loud chit-chat and cell phone conversations from the sea of neighbor tables in order to get customers in and out quickly and turn tables and profits.

Now The Good Cup may be off my list soon for two reasons. First, even though I signed up for the email list to get news and updates from my favorite coffee shop, they failed to notify me that they decided to keep the shop closed after New Years day through the 5th of January. I scheduled two meetings there yesterday morning, and when my first meeting showed up at the same time I did, we stood together staring inside the shop with our hands cupped on the glass around our eyes wondering what was up. Closed. We had to caravan about 8 miles to nearest (non-Starbucks) coffee shop to have our meeting, and on the drive there I had to call my next meeting and let them know about the change of venue.

What exactly would The Good Cup use their email list for if not for notifying their loyal customers about changes in normal operating hours?

Secondly, it seems that two of our local celebs (and neighbors) have made it their regular morning hang too. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban have taken a liking to The Good Cup’s exceptional lattes, chocolate espresso bean muffins and homemade sausage biscuits and breakfast quiches. I don’t blame them- they have great taste. This has, however, resulted in a massive increase in morning business and celeb spotters (GREAT for the owner- God bless her and I’m glad for her… but bad for the regulars), and, having to start the last couple of business meetings standing against the wall waiting for a spot to open up.

I guess I’ll have to scope out a new spot for caffeinated morning meetings.

Team Lifting at Target

Last night Michelle and I went Christmas shopping to wrap up most of the final gifts on our list. Afterwards we debated and disagreed on a spot for dinner. Back and forth we went- Thai, Chinese, Alexander’s, Logan’s and more. In a fit of frustration I suggested McDonalds and Michelle agreed. I headed that way until she realized I was serious and called me off.

We ended up at the local pub for a burger and beer. I was so hungry at that point I could care less where we ate.

Our shopping excursion was at Target and we about broke the bank. One of the items we bought is classified by Target as a “team lift.” This means 2-4 people, depending on the weight of the item, are required by company policy to help lift the item off a shelf or sales floor. This particular item listed the proper number as 3.

I asked for help getting the large and weighty item off the shelf and to the front of the store for check-out. A petite clerk answered my call from help (one of those “I need help” buttons in the aisle at Target I love so much. I’m working up the nerve one day to push the button and when help arrives, ask them for career advice). She saw what I wanted to buy and went to get more help. In a few minutes the petite clerk arrived with a flat-bed cart and one other short female clerk.

Now this items weighs at least 250 pounds. As they leaned in to lift it up I jumped in to help.

“Sir, you can’t lift this, it’s against store policy- we’ll take care of it”

So there I stood… a large and relatively strong man, watching as two little ladies struggled with everything they had to lift the item. I felt like a union boss or a construction supervisor.

As they lifted it (well, it sort of fell off the low shelf as they grabbed on for dear life to keep it from falling on them and ending their short lives) I noticed the back was totally scratched up. I asked for the other one that was behind it.

They had to move the original one they removed from the shelf nearby and lean it up against a wall while they struggled to get the second one on the cart. After several minutes and just a few life-ending close calls, they succeeded.

These girls have a great future in commercial and residential moving.

One Of The Many Reasons I Despise Government

Check out this lame story:

City To Cut Back On Plowing Snow On Side Streets
CHICAGO (CBS) ― Mayor Richard M. Daley said Tuesday that city crews will cut back on plowing side streets this winter in an effort to save money. The mayor said the city will only plow side streets during weekday union business hours this winter, rather than during overtime hours

But as CBS 2's Derrick Blakley reports if there's one city service Chicagoans demand, it's outstanding snow removal.

"I expect for the streets to be cleaned for my tax money," said Chicago resident Sarah Lockhart.

"That's the kind of spending we need to maintain," said Chicago resident Madeline Norris.

"That's not an area I'd like to see services get cut in because it would affect a lot of people," said Chicago resident Howard Williams.

Despicable. This government blackmail is becoming more and more common. Find the essential services the community relies on and limit or cut back on the service, crying poor all along the way and whining about needing more tax dollars. All the while, spending away on non-essential services (and new government cars, desks, office improvements, Barack Obama’s multi-million dollar block party in Chicago, pay raises, extra vacation days and new Blackberry’s for the whole government office gang).

Imagine how this would go down at home:

My wife calling me on my new iPhone while cruising in the 2009 F-150 truck I just bought headed to a Titans game, club level, with the flatbed packed with steaks and imported beer for the big pre-game tailgate party:
“Hi sweetie. I’m at Kohl’s with the girls and wondering if we have enough money in the checking account to get a new jacket. Little Sally’s winter coat from last year is too small."

Me, responding to my wife in Kohls:
"Honey- things are real tight right now. When I checked Quicken this morning I noticed we were over budget on clothes. I think you should hold off for a month or two, and also you might want to cut out your weekly lunch with your friends. We should build up enough in the clothes budget to maybe get her a light jacket by March or so."

Words That Irritate

Just over a year ago I wrote a post about verbal pet peeves- the phrases I hear people say that DRIVE ME CRAZY. How interesting to read a news item today that covers the same subject, from Oxford. I seem to keep pretty good company.

Enjoy- it's a quick read:

Oxford compiles list of top ten irritating phrases
A top 10 of irritating expressions has been compiled by researchers at Oxford University.
By Charlotte Bailey

The researchers who compiled the list monitor the use of phrases in a database called the Oxford University Corpus, which comprises books, papers, magazines, broadcast, the internet and other sources.

The database alerts them to new words and phrases and can tell them which expressions are disappearing. It also shows how words are being misused.

The book's author Jeremy Butterfield says that many annoyingly over-used expressions actually began as office lingo, such as 24/7 and "synergy".

Other phrases to irritate people are "literally" and "ironically", when they are used out of context.

Mr Butterfield said: "We grow tired of anything that is repeated too often – an anecdote, a joke, a mannerism – and the same seems to happen with some language."

The top ten most irritating phrases:
1 - At the end of the day
2 - Fairly unique
3 - I personally
4 - At this moment in time
5 - With all due respect
6 - Absolutely
7 - It's a nightmare
8 - Shouldn't of
9 - 24/7
10 - It's not rocket science

I must admit I've recently used six or seven of these.

Piling On

The blogosphere is alight with the scathing comments made recently about the New York Times and it's inarguable left slant and unabashed support of one political party and candidate over another under the cover of journalism.

Quite frankly, since about 2003 I can't imagine anyone wanting to wait 24 hours to read old out of date news from a giant hunk of paper that bleeds black toner all over one's fingers, and often arrives soaking wet from rain or dew.

I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon and jot a quick note to Bill Keller, executive editor of the NYT. Here’s my message:
--------------------------------------------------
From: DigitalRich
Sent: Monday, September 22, 2008 9:06 PM
To: Bill Keller executive-editor@nytimes.com
Subject: Oldsmobile

Dear Mr. Bill Keller;

I have never been a subscriber to your paper, though I have bought single issues in the past while in the city. I will no longer, and felt compelled to write and give you my opinion.

The NY Times is my father’s Oldsmobile. I can not for the life of me figure out why anyone would buy your paper when it is just as easy to read left and right slanted opinion paraded as news on sites like Huffington, Daily KOS, Hot Air and Newsbusters. It is so much easier, faster, and more comprehensive (and unfiltered) to get news and commentary online and through other electronic media. I fear your days (perhaps hours) are numbered.

If the NY Times had balanced and thoughtful news and commentary that freshly and fairly presented all sides it might be a compelling enough read that the paper would not be bleeding subscribers and advertisers like an Ebola victim. As it is, in my opinion your paper is a disgrace and embarrassment.

Then again, as I’m not a subscriber, you probably shouldn’t be worried or focused on my opinion. It’s just that you don’t seem to care about the views and opinions of the tens of thousands of people that have abandoned the NYTimes either.

I wish you well in your next endeavor.

Update: Announced Shoplifting

Wow. My “friend” who I will not name, but is the writer of the wildly popular blog http://www.freemoneyfinance.com/ did a favor recently by linking to one of my posts from a couple weeks ago: Announced Shoplifting.

I thought is was a mildly humorous story about my sometimes flaring temper and what I did when I had horrible customer service at a beach store in Ft. Walton Beach FL.

Apparently some of my “friends” readers did not. Had a few comments that were less than complimentary about my behavior. Well, at first I just laughed about them. Then I started thinking more about a few of them. I think the breaking point was when my daughter spoke up for me and defended me saying that I wouldn’t do anything dishonest or wrong.
The fact is, what I did was wrong- even though the way I was treated (or rather ignored) by the store staff that day was incredibly bad. It just does not justify taking merchandise without paying for it. The more I thought about it the more I remembered about that day. While I was in a typical rush to get back to the beach and my family, I had no real deadline. No event at the beach required me to get back at an exact time with a boogie board and sand toys in hand. I was on vacation. And there are 2 or more other beach stores a short drive away. I could have just dropped the merchandise on the floor and driven to another store to buy the stuff.

So there it is. It was wrong, and I’m glad the issue came up. Its always a good thing to right the wrongs.

I mailed a check today to Wings for $60. That should cover the $50 worth of toys plus $10 in interest for the last 46 months.

I also included a print out of my original blog post so they will know why they are getting $60. Didn’t feel like writing a letter to go along with the check.

Hours Burned

Have you ever had a day that was chocked full of things you HAD to get done, only to have someone call up or pop in and steal an hour of your time with worthless chit chat? How about 2 hours? Well, I had almost 5 stolen yesterday.

I already had a packed day- something I always seem to do to myself on the day back from vacation or the first work day of the new year. Too many things late in the game before a break get pushed to “first thing next year” or “as soon as I get back.”

The result is an insane schedule the first week back that teeters on disaster if one thing does wrong schedule-wise. Well, it all went wrong yesterday. An unexpected call ate up 90 minutes, an unscheduled conference call ate up another 60, then another unexpected call from the same person as the first- another 60 minutes gone.

Then I came up with plan B. I would get it all done that night. Eat dinner with the family then pop down to the office and get a couple hours in to hopefully catch up.

Well…unexpected dinner guests. 2 hours gone.

What a day.

Announced Shoplifting

Earlier this week I wrote a post about how I told AT&T I was about to walk out of their store with merchandise without paying for it unless they at least recognized that I was standing at the counter and started to help me.

I thought of this tactic because of some shoplifting I DID do a year and a half ago at a beach store in Ft. Walton Beach named Wings.

We were at the beach for vacation and decided we needed a few new toys for the beach. A couple foam wave runners, a new shovel and some sand toys, and a few other things. All in about $50 worth of stuff.

I went into the store late morning one day and there were hardly any customers- but there were plenty of staff. Probably 6 or 7 of them all in that 18-24 year old range. There were a couple in the back sitting on top of the air-brushed tee shirt counter, a couple out front smoking cigarettes, and a couple more on the far side of the check-out counter talking away about some party or other.

I brought my purchases up to the counter to check-out and stood there for a minute or so while listening to the two clerks chat away. They didn’t even look at me.

I politely interrupted and said hello. I asked if one of them could please ring me up. One of the girls looked at me and informed me that she was on lunch break. She then left the front desk with the other girl and they went to the back. I was standing alone at the front counter. I then wandered to the tee shirt area and asked if someone could help me. The guy said he wasn’t a cashier, but would find someone to help me. He disappeared into the same back room door the two girls had just entered. I stood there a minute or so but no one came out.

I went to the front desk and waited. And waited. About 5 minutes. I then announced to the store (about the only employee that could hear me was the other guy sitting at the tee shirt counter) I was going to leave without paying. I waited another minute and then walked out with the booty. As I did I ran into a couple staff people coming into the store after a smoke break and told them what I was doing and could they help me. They said they were on break.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE UPDATE!

Temporary Insanity

How do I know I was temporarily insane yesterday? I went shopping in the real world.

I appreciate the plight of retail clerks. I was one. Though my career in that field was relatively short (I did a 2 year stint at Sears as a shoe salesman and then a couple years managing a women’s shoe store), I understand the pressure they are under. It’s no fun dealing with rude customers, long hours, weekend work, low pay, and much more.

Once in a while, though, I run into folks that work retail that really should be in the stock room packing and unpacking boxes instead of interfacing with customers.

Yesterday I ran into 5 of them in two different stores…within 20 minutes.

Last week I bought the new version of the Blackberry Curve. It was a pleasant experience as I actually had the full attention of the salesman, I knew my user name and password for my existing account (speeding up the transfer process), and the phone is awesome.

Yesterday I decided to pick up some gel cases for the phone and a memory card to hold all the music, video and photos I want to carry around with me (the ones that wont fit into my 16gig iTouch). A bit gadgeterialy excessive, but then again…I am compelled by some inner force I can’t control.

I stopped by an AT&T (formerly Cingular) store and was greeted with the offensive stink of some sort of combination of pizza, Shane’s Rib Shack ribs and, I think, curry. Two AT&T sales reps sat at their desks with customers finalizing deals with each of them for new phones. One of them acknowledged my arrival and said “We’ll be right with you.”

Ok. No problem. I went right over to the accessories, picked up a case of gels, grabbed a 2gig card and stood patiently near the sales desks. After 15 minutes of listening to both reps SLOWLY go through the sales process and each chit-chat about what they got for Christmas, what movies were they going to see this weekend, and that Chad was gong to have a big New Years party at his house and that Alisa was not invited, and so much, much more…I realized that there was probably another 10-15 minutes of waiting in my immediate future. I set the cheap case of gels on the counter, laid next to it the memory card, and walked out of the store.

I decided to go to the “big’ AT&T (formerly Cingular) store in Cool Springs, knowing they both had more staff to help, AND, didn’t allow that staff to eat stinky rotten lunch food on the sales floor. As soon as I walked in I was approached and greeted by a lovely lady who asked if she could help me.

“Absolutely” I said, and proceeded to tell her what I needed. She walked me over to the phone case section, pulled out exactly what I needed, headed over to memory cards and pulled the 2gig card for me as well. I noticed there was a 4gig card next to it and pointed and smiled like a little kid and said “mmm…I want that one!”

“I’m sorry sir, your particular model of Blackberry is only designed at this time to manage a maximum 2gig memory card.” So, I have a reason to get the newer phone in a few months it seems.

She handed the two items to me, walked me to the sales counter and said “they can check you out here- have a happy new year!” Wow, so kind and helpful. It ended there.

I stood in front of the counter with 4 people behind it. Person #1 on my far left was talking on his cell phone. Person #2 in front of me was on her stool sideways talking to person #3 who was engaged on his computer. Person #4 was intently working on his computer as well. I waited patiently. No one acknowledged I was standing there. A minute went by. Then 2, and finally 3. I was checking my Blackberry that was eagerly awaiting to try on it’s new gel case.

A bit after the 3 minute mark, when none of the 4 even looked up at me, I kinda lost it. I put my Blackberry down, along side the gel cases and memory card, and did something a bit wacky. I jumped 3 big jumping jacks, waving my hands wildly, and said, too loudly, “Hello! I’m here!”

The store went quiet (there were probably 7 or 8 customers in the store, and about as many staff). The 4 sales people snapped to attention to see what crazy person was making all the noise and they all locked eyes on me for the first time. “Thank you! I said- I was beginning to think you guys couldn’t see me.” I said this with a pleasant smile on my face and in a joking manner so as to let them know I wasn’t as crazy as they must think. Kind of like, wow, isn’t it funny I just did that? Person #2 said, as she then turned to get busy on her computer, “we’ll be right with you sir.” The other 3 went back to whatever they were doing.

The friendly greeter came over with a smile and said “I’m sorry- hey guys, could someone check this customer out, he’s just buying accessories.” Person # 2 said “we’ll be right with him.” My kind protector, the greeter lady, walked away.

I stood there for another minute with no end in sight and then addressed the four once more in a much more quiet and gentle voice, saying “I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to walk out of here right now with this stuff without paying. If you would like me to pay, just let me know before I leave.”

Just then greeter lady returned with the manager and he asked person #4 to please take care of me right now. He did. As I left greeter girl apologized and explained they were really busy.

Reconfirmed for me that I need to do and buy EVERYTHING online that I can.

Informance

THIS POST HAS BEEN CENSORED BY MY WIFE

You could have read it if you had a reader program and got it delivered earlier.

If not, too bad.

She felt it would have hurt too many feelings. She's sensitive that way.

Verbal Pet Peeves

It's not too uncommon to see a blogger unload with a top ten list of pet peeves. I've done it, I think, or at least I've piled on as a comment on someone else's post bellyaching about this or that.

I thought I would try a different tack: Verbal Pet Peeves- the things people say that drive me nuts.

I have no doubt if I googled this I would find other and perhaps better lists, but this is the best I can do on a Blackberry sitting in the Cinncinnati airport shoving down two Auntie Anne's Nathan's pretzel dogs and a bottle of water in the few minutes I have between flights.

10. ...and soforth.
And what? Just say it already! Is life so short they don't have time to finish their sentence? And what if we're not following them and we have no idea what soforth is soforth? Hate it.

9. The powers that be.
Well, this one really drives me nuts. Its often used like this: "well, all I know is that the powers that be decided it will work this way and we just have to deal with it even if we know its wrong.". First of all, anyone that uses this phrase is giving you two gihugic clues: 1) they have no idea whatsover how and why things work. 2) They don't know who the powers are, what their names and titles are, what they do or why they do it. Run from people that use this phrase. They are stupid and usually dangerous.

8. This won't hurt much at all.
This is what my dentist says. It is a very clear indication that I am about to experience great pain.

7. So and so.
USE THE NICE PERSON'S NAME already, geesh.

6. Whatnot.
What in God's green earth does this mean? Who came up with this nonsense word? When I hear someone say this I see an imaginary dunce cap affixed to their head with super glue.

5. Oh Snap.
This is a very trendy (at least it was in 2003 or so) word made popular by Raven (inane character on a Disney Channel show) to ostensibly substitute for the always lovely and poetic profanity "Oh S**t."

4. The seven forbidden words.
I hear people having otherwise completely normal conversations about their day, their work, family, football game, mowing the lawn and whatnot, laced and sometimes brimming with the most obnoxious language imaginable. I was in the airport with my wife and four girls last week and as we waited in line to check our bags the guy in front of us dropped his bag by accident and said rather loudly "fu**!" Then he saw me and my family, and the look on my face, and he appologized. Rather poorly though. He said "oh, goddammit, sorry about the language sir." At least he was sincere.

3. Let me make this perfectly clear.
This is usually uttered by blow hard politicians that think we are so stupid we didn't understand them the previous 7 times they told us the exact same thing.

2. To make a long story short.
When this is said, every single time, without fail, its far too late.

And last but not least, my number 1 verbal pet peeve:

1. To tell the truth/To be honest/Honestly (or any of the other variations).
When someone says this what they are really saying is they are often not being honest or open in their communication. It amazes me, but the people that say this actually don't even realize they say it and that it clues us all in that much of the time what they say is not complete, honest or truthful.

So there you go. Honestly, I could have come up with a dozen more but the powers that be are telling me to turn off my phone. Oh snap, I really wanted to get this plus a few emails done befopre take-off. Dammit.

Sorry for any typos. Regular problem for me when typing on my Blackberry.

650 Girls

Our girl A had a doctor’s appointment a few weeks ago. Several years ago, as in infant, she became very ill and had to have emergency surgery. Since then we have always kept an extra special eye on her health.

She has always been petite, and even early on she was projected to be a small girl, but we have been a bit concerned about her lack of weight gain lately. She’s a picky and light eater, and we have to encourage her constantly to finish her food. She seemed to have been making some progress, and this recent appointment was a check-up on her weight.

Meanwhile...our doctor’s office recently made a decision to pawn off the more routine work done by nurses to a less expensive group of workers they affectionately call the “650 girls.” These are young, inexperienced teenagers and temporary workers that get paid $6.50 an hour. One of these checked in A (used to be done by one of the nurses). The friendly 650 girl took A’s temperature, checked her blood pressure, weighed her in, recorded basic information, and led Michelle and A to a patient room to wait for the doctor. Michelle noticed that the girl seemed to be a bit unsure of what she was doing, and stumbled through the pre-appointment procedures.

The doctor came in and noted A’s wight loss over the last several months- about 5 pounds. She told Michelle she was concerned and ordered up some extensive blood work. About $700 worth of labs that should give us a more complete look at A’s health and identify any problems she might have.

The blood work came back, and the doctors office called. There is concern A might have something called Celiac disease. It’s a digestive disease that damages the small intestine and interferes with absorption of nutrients from food. People who have celiac disease cannot tolerate a protein called gluten, found in wheat, rye, and barley. Gluten is found mainly in foods but may also be found in products we use every day, such as stamp and envelope adhesive, medicines, and vitamins. If she has it, it will completely change her diet and lifestyle.

The interesting thing, the doctor said, is that A only has 2 of the 5 symptoms (weight loss, and she's shorter than average), and one of the key symptoms- anemia- is not present. A’s iron level is fine which seems to indicate she has no problem absorbing nutrients. The doctor ordered a visit to a specialist and a rather invasive and expensive procedure to “rule it out.”

We know A is thin, but it just does not make sense that she is several pounds lighter than her younger sister- she just doesn’t look it. So, on a hunch, Michelle bought a new scale from Target. With the digital scale purchased and unpacked, the weigh-in began. According to the scale, A was actually 10 pounds heavier than the 650 girl had recorded. Michelle had a flash-back. She remembers seeing the metal bar on the doctors scale (there are bars for 100’s and 10’s and then that little sliding doohickey for 1’s) sitting on 50, not 40. So we think the pleasant and "inexpensive" 650 girl will cost our doctor a pretty penny when we send them the bill for A’s unnecessary blood work.

What a bunch of worry, stress and crap for nothing. Thank you very much.

Billing For 27 Seconds Worth Of Work

Problem- consulting clients requires great focus and attention to detail in order to track the work and progress made each day, week and month, and reporting those details to the client. How on earth do I do that if I get and need to respond to 150 emails and 30 phone calls a day across 8 clients that may take 8-10 hours in a day?

I’m considering coming up with a new system for billing. Instead of an hourly rate, either a fee by the second, or by the email.

I Can Do It

For several days I watched her struggle with the assignment. It was fairly simple- for her English class K had to interview a classmate assigned to her and ask him 10 questions, then assemble the answers into an oral report to be given to the class. The teacher required each report to be between 2 and 3 minutes long.

K's problem with the assignment was simple too. Firstly, despite her best efforts, she could barely get the words she had written to stretch beyond one minute. The second is of course her fear of public speaking. According to the Book of Lists, it ranks number one with most people when asked what they fear most. Number two is most often death.

Michelle mentioned to K that I might be able to help her, since most of my life I have written and rehearsed words to be delivered to hundreds, and sometimes thousands, of people. On many occasions I have done it off-the-cuff, and despite a natural fear of public speaking I have managed to conquer it for the most part. I listened to Michelle encourage K to ask me for help (I was sitting on the couch nearby) and observed K's response- she shrugged and told her mom she could figure it out and would work on it more in the coming days.

She reminded me of one of our families favorite animated characters- Lola. She always tells her older brother Charlie “I can do everything that’s anything, on my own.”

Last Wednesday night, the night before the report was due, I watched K argue with one of her sisters. K was standing in the kitchen next to the microwave using the timer button by setting it to 2 minutes and trying to get her latest revision of the oral report to get to the minimum mark. She was still barely over one minute. Her sister was nearby making a racket doing one thing or the other that was distracting K and causing her to reset the timer again and again. I suggested to K that she take my Blackberry and use the stopwatch software I had and go in the other room and practice. As she came to get my phone I let her know that I was here and ready to help her if she needed it. She thanked me, said she could do it by herself and went in to the other room.

Sometime later she came back into the living room and sat beside me. She smiled, and then asked if I could help her. Finally, I thought.

I read through her report and pointed out where she could expand on her subjects answers, use more descriptive words to paint the picture of how he answered the questions, especially the hard ones. I uncovered more and more information about her interview that she never thought to capture in the report. In under 10 minutes we had expanded the report to run over 3 minutes so we had to go back and cut a bit. Within 15 minutes she was done.

On Friday morning I had coffee with a friend at my favorite local coffee shop, The Good Cup, in Franklin TN. Few people know about this place, so it is so much more pleasant to have meetings there rather than at Starbucks. We chatted about several things, and I recounted this story for him. He pointed out something rather interesting to me. He thought it was a wonderful illustration of how we interact with God. He is there. We are here. We need his help. He knows it, and waits on us to reach out to him- to lean into him for help and guidance. And too often we try to do it on our own. We struggle, push, pull, fight, fail, tire and then throw our hands up in frustration saying “this simply can not be done.” Then, in desperation and as a last resort, we come to the Father. We say simply- I need help. I cannot do this alone.

And he helps. And either we succeed with His help and direction, or we learn that what we have been trying to do all along may not be what we should be focusing on and we are led or directed elsewhere. The whole time he is there, waiting, for us to turn our face and heart to him. He is always faithful and there for us.

Schedules: Order vs. Chaos

When it comes to scheduling, I am one for order and clarity. If a phone call has to happen and there have been several back and forth voice mails, I ask to schedule a call. Regular family outings? Scheduled. Date night? Scheduled. A lunch meeting with a friend? “What do you have open next week or the week after? Lets get it scheduled.”

Outlook is my friend. Outloook is my friend. Outlook is my friend. I keep telling myself that.

Over the years I have encountered a number of anti-schedulers. I like to call them ChaosCreators. I totally get living for the moment, seize the day, be spontaneous, and all that. I dig it. Really I do.

But not when a friend calls me at 9PM and needs me to lend a hand the next day for a couple hours first thing. That’s not “seize the day.” That’s called “nuke my day.”

I recently had a client come to town and was trying to set up meetings with several local people so I could connect them to my client on a few ideas we are working. Most of the meetings got set up easily enough, 2-4 weeks out- no problem. One ChaosCreator that I REALLY wanted to connect with didn’t get back to me for 2 weeks despite several emails and phone calls. He emailed me the night before the meeting day (I had already filled up the whole day with 7 meetings leaving just enough time to get them back to the airport for their late flight back to LA) and informed me that he was sorry he hadn’t got back to me, he had been really busy, and great news- he has lunch open the next day.

I just don’t get it. Maybe I’m the crazy one. Should I eschew all calendar bookings more than 24 hours out? Is that how I keep my world free of commitment and tethers so I can be spontaneous? Just seems crazy to me.






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Time Is A Many Splintered Thing

No time to blog. No time to hang with the kids. No time to do the bills. No time for God. No time for Michelle. No time for fun. No time to do anything but respond to urgent calls, emails and requests.

I lived today in batches of seconds… running from one thing to another, not able to pour much of myself into anything in particular… just bits and pieces of my heart and mind spilling here and there in a mad rush towards the days end.

I honestly can't look back at the day and see any one thing I did well or completely.






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Before And After: The Garage

9:00AM- This should be fun and interesting. At least to me.

I will attempt to motivate and amaze myself as I tackle, with the help of my lovely wife Michelle and four wonderful daughters K, L, A & R, the cleaning and organization of our garage.

Our builder went a bit crazy on the garage. To say we have good storage space is an understatement. The garage has 4 bays for cars, a door to the patio, 2 large storage areas, plus a safe room/space if we have a really bad storm/tornado. All in the space is about 1500 square feet. Immense.

The work today will be exhausting, but I hope very successful. I am writing this before we begin. We shall see how it goes and what I write at the end of the day.

Here are the ‘Before’ pictures:

7:50PM- It is done.

My entire married life Michelle has teased me and given me a hard time for the way I organize a space. I learned it from my mom- take everything OUT of the space, throw it all about somewhere away from the space, then clean the empty space thoroughly, and finally, start to place the stuff back IN the cleaned space in an orderly and organized way. Michelle has always thought this was insane and added time and effort to the job. We have argued it many, many times, and Michelle always dismisses me as crazy for doing it my way.

Until today.

As we prepared for the task ahead I of course told her how I wanted it to go down. We would all work together to empty the ENTIRE garage of everything that is on or near the floor, dump it all into the driveway, clean the garage and spray for bugs, install the new shelving units I bought this morning, and then move everything back in. While doing the last part, separate out stuff for the dump and Goodwill.

She agreed and thought it was a good idea. Why? Was it the years of arguments, influence and her love for me and belief that I really do know best? Nope. It was a show called Mission: Organization on HGTV she recently watched. Seemed the organizational expert on the show said the best way to organize a space is….exactly the way I do it. But because some lady on TV said it, Michelle believes it now. So much for my influence.

Here are the after pictures:

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