Failure

Failure and I are pretty good friends. I met him some time ago, while still a young kid. He’s not such a bad guy, really, though many people are afraid of him. I have spent most of my life afraid of him but over the last decade I have learned to accept him as a part of life.

About 10 years ago I traveled with a group of men to Arizona for a working retreat. There we were to learn more about each other, do some strategic planning for the future, address some industry problems we were facing, and learn to trust each other more by going through one of those intense obstacle courses. Mixed in with all that ‘work stuff’ was golfing, hot-air ballooning and massages in the spa. Miss those work trips.

Anyway, during the obstacle course session, one of the things we had to do was hook up a harness to our body (with a tether line connected to save us should we fall), and shimmy up a 50 foot telephone pole. There were strategically placed metal steps jutting out a few inches going up to the top of the pole. At the very top of the pole was a wood disc, about 3 feet in diameter, laying flat on the top of the pole but remaining very wobbly- it had one large bolt holding it on in the middle. The goal was to get all the way to the top, and then somehow, without falling, crawl on top of the disc, and while shaking like a tree in the wind, get up off all fours and stand straight up.

I watched person after person fail with only one successful participant before me. Suddenly it was my turn. There was no doubt in my mind I would be meeting my friend Failure soon. Up I went. Amazingly I did it. Got to the top, stood up, and had a wonderful feeling of victory. Victory- even over small things- can create a feeling so intense that it feels like it will last forever. It doesn’t. It is fleeting, and no one has the power to make the feeling stay longer that it alone decides is proper. If they try, another ‘person’ shows up, and his name is Delusion.

Failure on the other hand can stay around as long as a person wants. Rather than Failure deciding when to leave, it’s up to the host to show him the door when he or she feels the time is proper.

The guide at the course instructed each victor that reached the top of the pole to tell everyone one thing they were afraid of, and then jump into the air and plummet the 40 feet before the tether and harness prevented death at the hand of the hard earth 50 feet below. I yelled out “I am afraid of Failure” and leaped into the air.

I wouldn’t say that event alone removed my fear of Failure. Rather, it was that day, and all the days that followed wherein I grew and matured, and learned to welcome Failure as a part of life, greet him, say hello, and immediately show him the way out.

One more thing- he visited last night. I have one goal for this blog- not to get X number of visitors, or to achieve notice or even a Blogger ‘Blogs of Note’ mention. My only goal has been to faithfully publish one post a day. Yesterday I totally forgot and failed. I went ahead and back-dated this post to make it look like it went up yesterday to feel better about my friend visiting.






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Dreams And Realities

Last week I had lunch with Matt- a nice young gent full of dreams. He is an aspiring illustrator/writer/animator that is in a life and death struggle with his dreams and his reality.

He is working for a good company and making a good living to support his young wife and new child. Like many people, he is also wrestling with a dream, or maybe an aching feeling- not quite yet crystallized and clear- that he was made to do something else. He wanted to meet to bounce his ideas, sketches and stories off me to see if I thought he had anything of value buried in the dirt and rocks of what his hands and mind had created.

He let me choose the place to meet for lunch, but I insisted he pick wherever he wanted to go. God bless him- he chose Pei Wei Asian Diner. Extra-Extra Spicy Kung Pao Chicken over salad was my choice (here in Nashville, you have to say EXTRA twice to really get a decent burn going- most Asian places that serve food to an abundance of middle-Tennessee white folks think you mean ‘just a tiny bit past mild’ if you only use one).

We chatted away while eating, and about half-way through our food, the portfolio came out and we got down to business. He slid across several scripts, drawings and concepts talking me through his ideas. As he got into the details of each story and character, he started to light up. I love to be around passionate people. Creators. Dreamers. The energy and sparks fuel me and push and prod me to stir up my own dreams.

He was now fired up, moving at full speed, practically spitting steamed rice at me as he described several ideas for television shows, online comic strips, animated video series and a kids book.

I held all my thoughts, observations and questions until he was finished, making sure he knew that was what I would do for fear he would think I was disengaged. I know from experience it’s best to let creatives mind-dump without interruption. They need to pour out an amazing number of words to make sure you taste the full flavor of what they are trying to communicate. After my comments and questions, I laid out what I thought he should do next with the ideas. I am not sure he will take my advice.

I remember several years ago a young lady that worked for the same company I did. She was one of our regular receptionists that were in charge of getting executives lunches or setting up food and drink for meetings when not on desk duty. After a year or so of saying ‘hello’ or ‘have a nice weekend’ when walking in or out of the front door, I decided to get to know her. She had moved to Nashville because one of her dreams was to become a singer. The other dream was to be an actress. Singing won out, so she was taking her shot working as a receptionist for one of the top music companies in the world hoping to get discovered somehow.

After a couple years, with nothing materializing, she decided to move to LA. Just up and move there- no family or friends to support her. She had a dream, a clear vision and a plan, and by God, she was going to do it.

I last saw her three years ago while in Los Angeles on business. I had a meeting at a major studio and on my way out to my car afterwards, I ran into her, totally unexpected, in the lobby of the building. I hadn’t spoken to her since she had moved to LA and didn’t know what she was up to. She was living her dream. Her current position wasn’t much beyond her former receptionist title, but outside of the office she was an actress. She had managed to get an agent, a series of head-shots, and had landed several spots as an extra on various television shows (including Friends). She was having fun, making progress, and could see light at the end of the long office hallway.

So the question I have is- will Matt take the plunge? Will he really chase his dreams? He is between a rock and a hard place, with a wife and child to support (THE PRIORITY), currently employed with a good income and benefits (COMFORT), but leaving no time to really pursue his dreams and hone his craft (RISK AND REWARD).

That is the challenge. That is the battle we are all in- unless you happen to have landed your dream. It is an epic battle between that what we must do, and that which we dream to do.






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London Wallets Falling Down

My first visit to the UK, that turned out to be just to London, was many years ago (BK- before kids). I had planned everything out- Fly to London, stay several nights in a quaint B&B in Russell Square and see the sights, and then rail it up north to hit Liverpool to do the whole Beatles pilgrimage thing, and then take trains to wherever we wanted on the island, whenever we wanted- Scotland, Dover, anywhere.

The Beatles pilgrimage part sticks out like a sore thumb in the itinerary, but as a Beatles freak it was required.

Michelle and I didn’t have much money. We saved for some time, and had just enough for our core expenses (airfare, accommodations, food, BritRail passes) and a tad more for discretionary spending (Beatles stuff, gifts for family and friends, more Beatles stuff).

Shortly after we arrived- I think it was the second day- we rode a double-decker bus on a tour of London. I took my wallet out to check something, and then tucked it under my leg instead of putting in back in my pocket. Why, I don’t know. When we got to our destination we got up, walked off the bus, and left my wallet on the seat. Amazingly I did see it again.

Inside the wallet was £200 (almost all of our discretionary money) and the BritRail passes. Our planned trip to Liverpool and the rest of the island was shot. Fortunately the B&B in London was able to extend our stay.

A week later, back in the US, I took a small package out of the mailbox. Inside was my wallet, with a note from a semi-nice stranger that said they had found my wallet and thought I might want it back to save the hassle of replacing drivers license, credit cards, miscellaneous other ID and membership cards. The note mentioned the money was taken, as well as the BritRail passes- “sorry about that.”

The incident made an impact on Michelle far greater than me. To this day, when we leave a restaurant, theater and especially a bus, she often asks loudly “do you have your wallet?” Just a little embarrassing, but deserved.

Despite many visits to the UK since, I have yet to make it to Liverpool or the northwest coast. Someday.






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DigitalHome

I am moving closer to my ultimate digital goal: Being able to consume the media I want, when I want it, where I want it.

Music
All 10,000 or so of our CDs are now digitized- not once, or twice, but three times. Each time I got a better digital music player, and increased the volume the music played on external speakers, I could hear more of the hiss present at the lower rip rates- so after moving from 128kbs to 256kbs, I then made the ultimate leap to Windows Media Lossless (essentially, the same quality as a CD). Each time requiring me to open up and re-rip each CD. Insane. I store it all on an external drive/media server connected to our wireless router. By the way, you can set your WindowsMedia Player to rip at this level by clicking Tools/Options/Rip Music.

Photographs

Now, almost all of our family photos are also available on our home network, accessible anywhere in the house (via laptop/desktop, tv). All that is left is to get our old photos converted from negatives to digital files (about 75 cents a strip at Wolf/Ritz Camera).

Video

The final frontier (at least as I can see for the time being) is to get our video content digitized. The goal is to move the cases in our family room that currently hold good old-fashioned plastic discs with movies on them to a final resting place in storage next to the dusty cases of CDs.

I have been able to get our home movies onto the network- the ones from the last couple of years were recorded on a Sony Handycam DVD recorder. The older ones were a bit harder. $30 a pop at Wolf/Ritz to convert our old Sony Handycam 8mm tapes to DVD. It only took a couple days, but with about 20 to convert, was not cheap.

Our DVD collection is next on the list. I have found a simple tool (and free as well if you use it right) to rip all our DVDs called MagicDVDRipper, so the only issue I can see is storage. Each DVD when ripped will take up about 4.7-15.93 Gig (depending on if the disc is single or double layered, has extra content, etc)- so I will be able to place about 30-60 movies per 300GB external drive (the size I use now).

I will likely wait a bit longer before ripping the full collection- maybe until something in the 5-10 Terabyte storage range if affordable so that I will be able to get all of our films on one drive- important as the new formats coming out (HD DVD, Blu-Ray) have much larger capacity for content.

File size will only get bigger- One hour of uncompressed Ultra High Definition Video (UHDV) consumes approximately 11½ terabytes of data. Can't wait.

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Status Report- My Life's Goals

Many years ago I was part of a retreat consisting of a small group (15 or so) of men, all of us part of the same organization, that gathered together to learn more about each other, and hopefully, increase the effectiveness of our daily interactions. We were connected together through our business, but the weekend turned very personal for most of us.

As part of the retreat, we each had to state to the group our personal mission and goals. I had loosely gathered goals together in my mind over the years, but this forced me to write them out and organize them- and in the process face up to where I was lacking and needed to press forward.

Now, 10 years later, I am reassessing those goals and pursuing the next stage in my life, next career move or position. During the weeks (or months?) ahead I will be keeping this list in front of me and taking an account of the successes and failures to date. It’s hard to face up to where I am failing, but a good thing to take the time to recognize it. I stand a much better chance of adjusting actions and plans doing it.

Here are my life’s goals and the grade I have right now on the progress report (self-graded. It would be interesting to get Michelle's grade for me on a few of these- but that's another story):

SPIRITUAL
1. Seek God's will in my life daily through prayer, meditation on the scripture and the counsel and fellowship of others (GRADE C+)
2. Strive constantly to really understand and appreciate the saving grace of Jesus Christ (GRADE B)

FAMILY
1. work with all that is in me to understand what it means to give myself fully to my wife, and love her unconditionally (GRADE B-)
2. To heap love, acceptance, encouragement and affection on my 4 girls so they learn what it means to love God, and know what real love from a father and a man is about (GRADE B+)

BODY
1. To lose weight and get in shape to extend my life for me and for my family (GRADE C-)
2. Drink more alcohol (ok- this may seem weird- but last year I jokingly said this to Michelle after we had a few nights in a week we had wine with dinner, just a drink or two. We just don't drink that much in our home, but we enjoy it. So I made a new years resolution last year and this year we have made sure we have wine on hand for a few dinners a week. No biggie. We are not getting buzzed all the time or anything) (GRADE A..this is sort of like P.E. at school- no worries landing an A on this one).

MIND
1. To never ever stop learning and wanting to change and improve (GRADE B+)
2. Read at least one book a week (GRADE F)

CAREER
1. To work with all that is withing me for the success of my company, and to do it all for God's glory (GRADE B-)
2. To support, encourage and grow my staff, and always honor and serve those in authority over me (GRADE A-)

PERSONAL
1. Attend every school function, play, parent/teacher meeting, etc (GRADE A)
2. Coach or at least assist on the sports teams my kids play on (GRADE A)
3. Work six months or more in another country (TBD)
4. Own my own business (TBD)
5. Serve on a foreign missions trips (Hopefully in 2007)
6. Learn to fly (My wife is not on board with this one…yet)
7. Visit Israel (TBD)
8. Serve my country (Not sure how yet)
9. Own a yacht (How did this one slip in?)
10. Have my kids tell me I am one of their best friends AFTER they are 18 (TBD)
11. Honor my Father and Mother better (GRADE C. I really have to do better on this one. Sometimes I still act like I’m 17 with them-short and snippy)
12. Give to anyone that asks of me (Newly added!!! See my post from Nov. 18th)

I know my goals are a bit lopsided and selfish in some ways (I discovered that this morning writing out this post), and I will be thinking through that in the coming weeks.

It is amazing, this blogging thing. It is forcing me to think about things I would normally touch on in my mind and then push to the side promising to come back to it later. Now, I am diving in and working through things from A-Z at one sitting. My hope is that it is somehow rewarding for you (the reader, if there is one) as well.






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