Thanks Mom & Dad

Last night Michelle and I were talking about some things, and she mentioned to me rather off-handedly that growing up there wasn’t much physical affection at home. Hugs, hand-holding and other such things were rare occurrences.

It got me thinking about how those things were everyday, if not every hour, occurrences in my house growing up, and how much that impacted and shaped me.

I then started thinking about other things my parents did right. How easy it is to list the things they did wrong.

There is an entire industry of authors, speakers, books, and other products that are all about what our parents did wrong. Not mine specifically of course. I mean all parents. But I digress.

What was home-life for me growing up?

Full of hugs and kisses from mom and dad

I Love You was said at least every night at bedtime, and very often a couple times a day

Back-scratches on demand for anyone in the house

Mom or Dad Taxi cab rides to karate, dance, baseball, basketball, friend’s houses, malls, anywhere

Tickle fights

Dad helping to coach baseball

Mom as Boy Scouts den mother

Mom always home after school

Constant and kind care when we were sick

Prayer every night at dinner time, and ‘as needed’ during the day

Home cooked meals almost every night

Family dinner time almost every night

Being told on a regular basis God made me, I was special, and God had a plan for my life

…and so much more.

Thanks Mom & Dad.






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What Does It Mean To Be A Human Being?

That's one of the questions I had to fill out on an application I submitted to an organization that seeks volunteers to help teach English as a second language.

They are located in Europe, and look for people to not only teach, but to also bridge the culture gap between two different peoples- the native people of the country and Americans.

The question hit me hard- how on earth do I answer that? On what level do I answer it? Physiologically? Socially? Spiritually?

I stopped thinking and started typing, free flow, and this is what I got on the first try:

To desire, try, fail, and try again. To sometimes think we are great, when we are really broken, and at times feel worthless, when we are truly priceless. To seek security and inclusion, to be tempted to love ourselves more than others. To spend our life on a search for meaning and purpose. To be hard-wired to know there is Someone greater than us, and to seek Him for protection from what we deserve, and the gift of what we don’t.

There you go. I think it's a pretty good shot at a very, very hard question...

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My A-ha! Moments

Life is full of moments where the light comes on. I figured I would jot a few a-ha moments of mine down for posterity.

Age 10
No matter how careful and deliberate you may try to forge a parents signature on a bad report card, it is quite impossible to make a kids handwriting look like an adults.

Age 11
Just because you get a silk shirt and leather jacket to look like Tony Manero (John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever), that alone in no way will make you cool.

Age 12
So few boys are brave enough to ask a girl to go steady, that if you do, odds are 1 in 2 you will get a yes.

Age 13
There are mean kids in the world that will seek out those who will not fight back and make their lives miserable.

Age 14
If you stand up to a bully, punch them in the head while they are trying to torment you in the boys locker room at school with a wet towel, and then drag them out into the hallway completely naked while they cry like a little girl, no one that knew you when the incident occured will bother you again. Ever.

Age 15
Learning to drive a stick-shift to prepare for a drivers test will ensure you pass, and will likely provide you with the skills to drive anything short of a semi-truck your entire life without difficulty.

Age 16
The whole 'turning sixteen is so cool' thing is a load of crap. Its just like 15, but with acne.

Age 17
The world of politics is cold and cruel and has very little substance about it. I learned this when running for class president. If your opponent is the most popular and beautiful girl in the high school, you will lose for sure. All the guys will vote for her (I did- I couldn't help myself), and so will most all the girls since they are all her friends, or aspire to be. Even if her candidacy is based on getting the school to re-paint locker doors in your choice of 5 colors and yours is about raising funds to improve the arts and sports facilities.

Age 18
It's you against the world. This is proved when the state you live in raises the drinking age from 18 to 21 seventy-eight days before your 18th birthday.

Age 19
College is so much easier than people make it out to be.

Age 20
College is very hard.

Age 21
No matter how much money you make, without discipline and focus, you will spend all of it plus some.

Age 22
Don't get a big dog if you live in an apartment and are gone 9-10 hours at a time.

Age 23
Don't throw a party in your small apartment and let people know they are free to bring friends without being very clear about how many friends they may invite, and, that the offer is non-transferable. If you aren't, the police and fire departments will show up sooner than you think.

Age 24
The government is evil. They will gleefully take more and more of your money in the form of income tax, thinking they can spend it better than you, while your friends working cash jobs pay no taxes at all.

Age 25
Despite years of writing songs, playing in bands and recording music, I'm simply not good enough at it to make a living. Thank you God for letting me see that at 25, and not when I'm 43 years old playing piano in a Holiday Inn lounge.

Age 26
Marriage is much harder than I ever thought it would be.

Age 27
Having a child is one of the most significant events a man can ever be a part of. It will make you admire your wife even more, and make you cry like a little baby. But amazingly you won't care. And, while it doesn't make marriage easier, it makes it more meaningful.

Age 28
If someone is conspiring against you, or talking down about you when you aren't around, or gossiping about you and you confront them calmly and directly- in private-they will almost always go out of their way to be nice to you and support you from then on.

Age 29
Your second child is as amazing and awe inspiring of an experience as your first.

Age 30
Being promoted beyond your peers wipes out almost every friendship you have with them. Those that remain are different and not as fulfilling.

Age 31
If you return every phone call, take notes at every meeting and follow-up each meeting in writing, and do what you say you will do, people will be amazed and think you are very smart and give you promotions and raises.

Age 32
While having your third child is amazing and awe inspiring, it really starts to make you think about paying for education and weddings (especially if you have three girls).

Age 33
Being in a position of leadership can be heartbreakingly lonely.

Age 34
There are many people in the world that want me dead just because I am an American. Also, during a time of war or national emergency, the desire to get home- especially when stuck oversees- is overwhelming almost to the point of panic.

Age 35
After having a fourth daughter, it makes you wonder if it would be a good idea to stop having kids.

Age 36
Even if you learned to drive a stick-shift as a kid, if you rent one in Ireland where everything is opposite (the side you drive on, where the gas, brake and clutch pedals are- everything) it will do hardly any good.

Age 37
If you start participating in a 401-k early, and put in the maximum allowable contribution, you can amass a startlingly large sum of money.

Age 38
I am much better at recalling the nice things I say to other people than they, while they are significantly better at recalling the hurtful things I have said to them than I.

Age 39
It's fun running your own company.

Age 40
It's not always fun running your own company.

Age 40 & 1/2
George Bush is the most powerful man in the history of the world- even more so than Bill Clinton or Kofi Annan. That is the only explanation for so many people believing he is responsible for terrorism, unemployment, Katrina, Kyoto, global warming, global cooling, anti-Americanism, inflation, recession, depression, oil prices going up, oil prices coming down, ancient middle Eastern turmoil, the decline of democracy, tsunamis, Darfur, 9-11, illegal immigration, bad French hygiene, the ozone hole, melting polar ice caps, the USS Cole bombing, The OKC bombing, Paris suburb riots, bird-flu, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan going commando, dumb kids, dumb teachers and obesity.







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Leadership Thoughts From An Old Book

I was organizing my home office and found an old book I read almost 10 years ago. While I dont think it made a significant impact on me, it did add some insight and understanding about leadership. Here are the some key points from the book that I highlighted when I read it in 1998:

From "Semper Fi: Business Leadership the Marine Corps Way" by Dan Carrison, Rod Walsh

• Recruiting: Marines send out their top performers to recruit the best people. These experienced officers display a missionary zeal, and they personify the values and pride of a Marine. Carrison suggests that sales managers send out star performers who embody values of the organization to serve as role models for new recruits.

• Training: Marines spend 12 weeks in basic training. When the training gets tough, drill sergeants quote the old saying, "The more you sweat in peace, the less you bleed in war." Boot camp is not designed to weed out people, but to cultivate everybody. While corporate America fires those who don't perform up to standard, new Marines practice until everybody graduates.

• Leadership: Marine officers lead by example. If a leader asks a platoon to climb a 100-foot wall, he will be the first one to start the climb. Of all military services, the Marine Corps has the highest casualty rate among officers. In corporate America, the best sales managers are not the ones who hide behind their desks, but those who go out to see the toughest customers with their front-line people.

• Commitment: The Marine Corps credo is DO or DIE. Carrison says that you have to be careful what you ask a Marine to do because he'll die trying. Marines in action show how much a highly committed team can accomplish. What if salespeople adopted such high standards for conquering new territories or introducing new products?

• Loyalty to the troops: While corporate America often tells employees that they are replaceable, Marines are told that they are irreplaceable. They know that the entire country and their fellow Marines depend on them. It's natural for a Marine to say, "I love my Marine Corps." how many salespeople say, "I love my company"?

• More and more companies are studying the Marine Corps model for motivation. Their sales teams take more pride in their product and in their companies. Imagine the possibilities. Imagine every salesperson in your company as proud as a Marine. Imagine how many competitive battles you'd win. Every year, thousands of loyal and highly trained Marines retire; why not deploy their talents to win more sales?
  

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Peace

"May you live in interesting times” is one of the oldest disguised curses in the world. Interesting is defined as “engaging or exciting and holding the attention or curiosity, arousing a feeling of interest.”

Wars, conflicts, natural disasters, extreme wealth, extreme poverty next to it, political upheaval, lawlessness, death and destruction. The world we live in is indeed a very interesting place.

What is going on in my world? Probably similar to what is happening in yours. A couple days ago I woke up to check the news and learned that the company I worked for from 1990 until 2005 is announcing layoffs and restructuring. The people there are worried. The company I just wrapped up a year with is undergoing big change. People known to me or my family are experiencing great change and shifts in their lives: a young boy in one of my daughters school class just lost his older brother- a policeman shot while pulling over a speeder, a friend and former co-worker just diagnosed with cancer and undergoing intense treatment to save his life, another friend struggling to keep a job and support his family, the list goes on and on.

How do we experience any peace in these troubling times? Peace is conventionally defined as a state of being without conflict. I believe peace is the ability to cope with it.

Some words of wisdom written 2000 years ago: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”






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For God So Loved Bloggers

I was sitting in church listening to our pastor Rick White when he broke out of his normal speaking pattern and delivered a brief sidebar -

“I gotta park here for just a second, ok? I don’t know that I have ever been so disturbed, more upset, more angry, that what I am right now at stuff I read that’s coming across the internet."

Ears perked, heads looked up.

He departed for a bit from the sermon on love and wanted to talk about blogging. Wow. I am a new blogger, and now addicted to both writing my own blog as well as reading others’ thoughts and ideas. I was very interested in what he was about to say- my meter needle hit the red zone.

It was a well delivered call for love and kindness online, and a warning that the internet in general, and blog’s specifically, are just an extension of our tongues. Through our words we all have the power to give life and lift up, or bring death and tear down.

No need for me to detail everything he said- if you are interested in watching the segment, click the link below, and AFTER the copyright segment plays, and the music starts, hit fast-forward in your media player to get to the next segment.

mms://72.22.74.59/12-10-06

Once there, go to 21:08 to watch Rick White talk about blogging. Hope you enjoy.

My own sidebar- we had a world class guest musician perform. Brent Rowan’s guitar playing is enough reason to watch the first segment of the video clip. He is one of the most recorded musicians in history. Merry Christmas.







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Status Report- My Life's Goals

Many years ago I was part of a retreat consisting of a small group (15 or so) of men, all of us part of the same organization, that gathered together to learn more about each other, and hopefully, increase the effectiveness of our daily interactions. We were connected together through our business, but the weekend turned very personal for most of us.

As part of the retreat, we each had to state to the group our personal mission and goals. I had loosely gathered goals together in my mind over the years, but this forced me to write them out and organize them- and in the process face up to where I was lacking and needed to press forward.

Now, 10 years later, I am reassessing those goals and pursuing the next stage in my life, next career move or position. During the weeks (or months?) ahead I will be keeping this list in front of me and taking an account of the successes and failures to date. It’s hard to face up to where I am failing, but a good thing to take the time to recognize it. I stand a much better chance of adjusting actions and plans doing it.

Here are my life’s goals and the grade I have right now on the progress report (self-graded. It would be interesting to get Michelle's grade for me on a few of these- but that's another story):

SPIRITUAL
1. Seek God's will in my life daily through prayer, meditation on the scripture and the counsel and fellowship of others (GRADE C+)
2. Strive constantly to really understand and appreciate the saving grace of Jesus Christ (GRADE B)

FAMILY
1. work with all that is in me to understand what it means to give myself fully to my wife, and love her unconditionally (GRADE B-)
2. To heap love, acceptance, encouragement and affection on my 4 girls so they learn what it means to love God, and know what real love from a father and a man is about (GRADE B+)

BODY
1. To lose weight and get in shape to extend my life for me and for my family (GRADE C-)
2. Drink more alcohol (ok- this may seem weird- but last year I jokingly said this to Michelle after we had a few nights in a week we had wine with dinner, just a drink or two. We just don't drink that much in our home, but we enjoy it. So I made a new years resolution last year and this year we have made sure we have wine on hand for a few dinners a week. No biggie. We are not getting buzzed all the time or anything) (GRADE A..this is sort of like P.E. at school- no worries landing an A on this one).

MIND
1. To never ever stop learning and wanting to change and improve (GRADE B+)
2. Read at least one book a week (GRADE F)

CAREER
1. To work with all that is withing me for the success of my company, and to do it all for God's glory (GRADE B-)
2. To support, encourage and grow my staff, and always honor and serve those in authority over me (GRADE A-)

PERSONAL
1. Attend every school function, play, parent/teacher meeting, etc (GRADE A)
2. Coach or at least assist on the sports teams my kids play on (GRADE A)
3. Work six months or more in another country (TBD)
4. Own my own business (TBD)
5. Serve on a foreign missions trips (Hopefully in 2007)
6. Learn to fly (My wife is not on board with this one…yet)
7. Visit Israel (TBD)
8. Serve my country (Not sure how yet)
9. Own a yacht (How did this one slip in?)
10. Have my kids tell me I am one of their best friends AFTER they are 18 (TBD)
11. Honor my Father and Mother better (GRADE C. I really have to do better on this one. Sometimes I still act like I’m 17 with them-short and snippy)
12. Give to anyone that asks of me (Newly added!!! See my post from Nov. 18th)

I know my goals are a bit lopsided and selfish in some ways (I discovered that this morning writing out this post), and I will be thinking through that in the coming weeks.

It is amazing, this blogging thing. It is forcing me to think about things I would normally touch on in my mind and then push to the side promising to come back to it later. Now, I am diving in and working through things from A-Z at one sitting. My hope is that it is somehow rewarding for you (the reader, if there is one) as well.






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Report From The Traffic Chopper

Have you ever watched someone perform or present something to a group, and everything go horribly wrong? Perhaps they were extremely nervous and speaking almost nonsense, or they tripped walking on stage, or even were just plain not-good at it. Something like a bad wreck on the side of the road happens. And the audience is the rubber-necker.

At the Curb Café last night I saw the koo perform a set after a young aspiring songwriter/guitarist/vocalist did an unnecessarily long opening spot. If you have happened to read my posts the last two days, let me stop here and assure you I don’t normally go to multiple clubs and live music performances in a week. Or even a month. This week has definitely not been normal.

The opening act (Nick was his name, I think) had a bunch of spirit. He strutted boldly and confidently from table to table in the small club introducing himself to patrons and mentioning his name and that he would be performing soon, and thanking us for coming out. I must admit- in all my years of attending live music performances that was a first.

He started to play at 9PM. Just him, his guitar, and 2 bottles of water. Immediately, a 3 car pile-up happened on stage. God bless him- he couldn’t hit any high notes (he actually sounded just like me and a million other guys singing in the shower with a luffa for a mic wailing out the high notes in off-key falsetto), flubbed his chords, and on a two occasions even put a song in a holding pattern mid-chorus while he tried to tune his guitar.

He seemed to think he was nailing it. Very confident on stage, trying to conduct witty between-song stage banter, and eliciting nervous laughter and wide-eyed glances between friends at tables. It was just plain awful. But he tried, and he seems like a genuinely nice guy.

I don’t know what his goals are, or why he was performing last night. Maybe he just loves to play the guitar and belt out a tune, and for the same reason millions of people around the world go to karaoke bars, really enjoys inflicting his talent on others.

Let’s assume though, that he wants to make it in music. At what point will he either practice and play himself silly and hit a level of quality, or finally figure out that he isn’t that good? Will he realize it himself, or will someone, like a merciless panel of judges from American Idol, whack the machete of “feedback” right through his skull?

On the way home I turned on the radio…interesting…in a matter of minutes I heard two bands (actually one band, and one solo artist) perform that I know very well, and also know couldn’t sing a good lick just a few years ago. For various reasons both had been thrust into a position of leadership within their respective units, and had to pick up the reigns of lead vocalist from a departing member. Within a relatively short period of time, and after diving headfirst into the work of vocal training and development, both have emerged as quality vocalist each with their own unique sound, and both leading the way to multiple gold records.

So…is that within each of us? I am not speaking about music specifically- it could be anything. Can anyone grab hold of a dream, and even if performance or track record is just average (or in Nick’s case, bad), drive themselves to greatness with good coaching and a real commitment of time? How does this impact Nick? Should his friends, several of which were at the show last night and rooting for their buddy, not let him know how bad he sounds right now but just encourage him? How does this impact me? Or you? What dreams have we put on hold, or dropped, that should be picked up again?

I think the potential for greatness is in everyone. I truly believe that anyone- any ordinary person- can do extraordinary things. I hope Nick keeps at it. I also hope he keeps his day job.

Taco Bell Beggar

The koo is a start-up band I manage on the side. Good kids, strong hearts- they want to change the world through music and the arts, and they are working hard to hone their performance and songwriting. Last night they played a show at a small club in East Nashville called The Five Spot. My wife and I went, grabbed a beer, and had a few minutes to chat before they went on. They sounded great.

After the show I decided to hit Taco Bell for a bite to eat- I didn’t have a chance to grab dinner, though my wife did. Drove up to the drive through, placed my order, moved to the first window.

As we pulled up towards the window, in line with one car ahead of us, we noticed a beggar sitting on the ground, with his back to the building and on a small strip of sidewalk between the Taco Bell and the drive-through lane. He must have been under 20 years old, but already haggard looking, dirty, broken. His eyes were half-open, glancing around every so often, and was clutching the standard-issue bent-in-the-middle cardboard sign with black sharpie scribbled words “will work for food” or something like that.

[Insert sound-effect: flashback cue from ABC’s Lost]

A few weeks ago when my wife was not feeling well we skipped church. I thought it would be a great opportunity to crack open the “Jesus” DVD someone gave us. The Jesus Film Project is an outreach that has shown the film to over 6 billion people (how is that even possible? Amazing). Our family had not been in that number. None of us had ever seen it.

The film was ok- definitely dated looking, and since it was based on the book of Luke and only used dialogue from that ancient account, it was a little hard for our kids to follow. Everything was going well until a scene from the film really shook me. Jesus was walking with some folks and talking about real life issues and how to deal with them. Among those things he said was something that somehow I never really heard before. It’s from Luke 6:30- if someone begs of you- give to them. Not just a generic “thout shalt do this,” but a good old-fashioned red-letter statement from the Man himself. 40 years and never caught that. Interesting.

So back to last night. Decided to give this kid some money, so I rolled the window down and called to him holding out a few dollars. As he got up he started to pitch forward like he was going to pass out. He regained his strength, and as he approached the car he lost his balance again and had to thrust his hand onto the car door to keep his balance. He was drunk and could barely focus on the money. He gently took the money, mumbled a thank you, and plopped right back down on the ground.

After a few minutes (the car in front of us was obviously ordering tacos for a Vanderbilt frat house that had the munchies- it was taking way to long for their order) he struggled to get up again, holding the money in his left hand, and started to walk away. I assumed he was off to find something to “drink” with his newfound riches ($3 to be exact), and so was instantly frustrated and disappointed with the kid. Instead, he changed direction, and started moving to the Taco Bell doorway. He tried to enter, but it was locked- closed. Only the drive-through was open, and they don’t take walk-up orders. He disappeared around the corner of the building and we didn’t see him again.

It was the first time in many years I had given money to a beggar. Now and then I have done it- especially when I was caught off-guard or if my kids were with me (ouch. A hypocritical moment for sure). I always justified not giving money to beggars by assuring myself that if given, the money will quickly find itself at liquor store (or worse) buying a high for the next hour or so. I told myself that what I should do is go buy some food and give it to them- but of course I hardly ever did that. Just didn't have the time since I saw them mostly downtown when I was trying to get somewhere on time.

What Luke reminded me was that there are two transactions that occur when someone begs and we give. One is between God and giver, and a separate accountable transaction between God and receiver. I am being called to only concern myself with the first.

If anyone happens to read this, and has wisdom, suggestions or thoughts on how best to respond to beggars I would enjoy reading it. Leave a comment. Thanks.