Kiss Your Butt Goodbye

On April 3rd of this year I wrote a post entitled “Revealed” which talked about the really stupid things some people say after someone dies, especially words that attempt to shed light on character that, in death, is evident to be completely opposite from the flowery words offered up.

Below is an article regarding the unfortunate passing of Solange Magnano, a former Miss Argentina. In it there is a quote from a close family friend, Roberto Piazza, that truthfully, honestly, and directly speaks what needed to be said. Mr. Piazza seems to have his head on straight, and I wish Ms. Magnano would have sought his counsel before deciding to undergo the knife to enhance her hindquarters.

And if he did have the opportunity to speak into her decision prior to the procedure, I wish she would have listened. Article below…

Ex-Miss Argentina dies after cosmetic surgery
Monday, November 30, 2009
(11-30) 17:37 PST BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (AP) --

A 38-year-old former Miss Argentina has died from complications after undergoing cosmetic surgery on her buttocks.

Solange Magnano, a mother of twins who won the crown in 1994, died of a pulmonary embolism Sunday after three days in critical condition following a gluteoplasty in Buenos Aires.

Close friend Roberto Piazza said the procedure involved injections and the liquid "went to her lungs and brain."

"A woman who had everything lost her life to have a slightly firmer behind," he said.

Magnano's burial Monday was shown on Argentine television.

Dr. Gonzalo Cortes y Tristan said she arrived at his hospital with an acute respiratory deficiency. Her condition deteriorated until she suffered the embolism.

To All My Valued Employees...

...There have been some rumblings around the office about the future of this company, and more specifically, your job. As you know, the economy has changed for the worse and presents many challenges. However, the good news is this: The economy doesn't pose a threat to your job.

What does threaten your job however, is the changing political landscape in this country. Of course, as your employer, I am forbidden to tell you whom to vote for -- it is against the law to discriminate based on political affiliation, Race, creed, religion, etc.

Please vote who you think will serve your Interests the best. However, let me tell you some little tidbits of fact which might help you decide what is in your best interest. First, while it is easy to spew rhetoric that casts employers against employees, you have to understand that for every business owner there is a back story.

This back story is often neglected and overshadowed by what you see and hear. Sure, you see me park my Mercedes outside. You've seen my big home at last years Christmas party. I'm sure all these flashy icons of luxury conjure up some idealized thoughts about my life. However, what you don't see is the back story.

I started this company 12 years ago. At that time, I lived in a 300 square foot studio apartment for 3 years. My entire living space was converted into an office so I could put forth 100% effort into building a company, which by the way, would eventually employ you.

My diet consisted of Ramen Pride noodles because every dollar I spent went back into this company. I drove a rusty Toyota Corolla with a defective transmission. I didn't have time to date. Often times, I stayed home on weekends, while my friends went out drinking and partying. In fact, I was married to my business -- hard work, discipline, and sacrifice.

Meanwhile, my friends got jobs. They worked 40 hours a week and made a modest $50K a year and spent every dime they earned. They drove flashy cars and lived in expensive homes and wore fancy designer clothes. Instead of hitting the Nordstrom's for the latest hot fashion item, I was trolling through the Goodwill store extracting any clothing item that didn't look like it was birthed in the 70's.

My friends refinanced their mortgages and lived a life of luxury. I, however, did not. I put my time, my money, and my life into a business with a vision that eventually, some day, I too, will be able to afford these luxuries my friends supposedly had.

So, while you physically arrive at the office at 9am, mentally check in at about noon, and then leave at 5pm, I don't. There is no "off" button For me. When you leave the office, you are done and you have a weekend all to yourself. I unfortunately do not have the freedom. I eat, ****, and breathe this company every minute of the day. There is no rest. There is no weekend. There is no happy hour. Every day this business is attached to me like a 1 day old baby.

You, of course, only see the fruits of that garden -- the nice house, the Mercedes, the vacations... You never realize the back story and the sacrifices I've made. Now, the economy is falling apart and I, the guy that made all the right decisions and saved his money, have to bail-out all the people who didn't.

The people that overspent their paychecks suddenly feel entitled to the same luxuries that I earned and sacrificed a decade of my life for. Yes, business ownership has is benefits but the price I've paid is steep and not without wounds. Unfortunately, the cost of running this business, and employing you, is starting to eclipse the threshold of marginal benefit and let me tell you why:

I am being taxed to death and the government thinks I don't pay enough. I have state taxes. Federal taxes. Property taxes. Sales and use taxes. Payroll taxes. Workers compensation taxes. Unemployment taxes. Taxes on taxes. I have to hire a tax man to manage all these taxes and then guess what? I have to pay taxes for employing him. Government mandates and regulations and all the accounting that goes with it, now occupy most of my time. On Oct 15th, I wrote a check to the US Treasury for $288,000 for quarterly taxes. You know what my "stimulus" check was? Zero. Nada. Zilch.

The question I have is this: Who is stimulating the economy? Me, the guy who has provided 14 people good paying jobs and serves over 2,200,000 people per year with a flourishing business? Or, the single mother sitting at home pregnant with her fourth child waiting for her next welfare check?

Obviously, government feels the latter is the economic stimulus of this country. The fact is, if I deducted (Read: Stole) 50% of your paycheck you'd quit and you wouldn't work here. I mean, why should you? That's nuts. Who wants to get rewarded only 50% of their hard work? Well, I agree which is why your job is in jeopardy. Here is what many of you don't understand; to stimulate the economy you need to stimulate what runs the economy. Had suddenly government mandated to me that I didn't need to pay taxes, guess what? Instead of depositing that $288,000 into the Washington black-hole, I would have spent it, hired more employees, and generated substantial economic growth. My employees would have enjoyed the wealth of that tax cut in the form of promotions and better salaries. But you can forget it now.

When you have a comatose man on the verge of death, you don't defibrillate and shock his thumb thinking that will bring him back to life, do you? Or, do you defibrillate his heart? Business is at the heart of America and always has been. To restart it, you must stimulate it, not kill it. Suddenly, the power brokers in Washington believe the mud of America are the essential drivers of the American economic engine.

Nothing could be further from the truth and this is the type of change you can keep. So where am I going with all this? It's quite simple. If any new taxes are levied on me, or my company, my reaction will be swift and simple. I fire you. I fire your co-workers. You can then plead with the government to pay for your mortgage, your SUV, and your child's future. Frankly, it isn't my problem any more. Then, I will close this company down, move to another country, and retire.

You see, I'm done. I'm done with a country that penalizes the productive and gives to the unproductive. My motivation to work and to provide jobs will be destroyed, and with it, will be my citizenship.

While tax cuts to 95% of America sounds great on paper, don't forget the backstory: If there is no job, there is no income to tax. A tax cut on zero dollars is zero. So, when you make decision to vote, ask yourself, who understands the economics of business ownership and who doesn't? Whose policies will endanger your job? Answer those questions and you should know who might be the one capable of saving your job. While the media wants to tell you "It's the economy Stupid" I'm telling you it isn't.

If you lose your job, it won't be at the hands of the economy; it will be at the hands of a political hurricane that swept through this country, steamrolled the Constitution, and will have changed its landscape forever. If that happens, you can find me in South Caribbean sitting on a beach, retired, and with no employees to worry about.

Signed, Your boss,

Michael A. Crowley,
PE Crowley, Crisp & Associates, Inc.
Professional Engineers 1
906 South Main Street, Suite 122
Wake Forest, NC 27587
_______________________________________________________________

Things I Need To Start Doing

Stop trying to win arguments and Start trying to win hearts

Stop focusing on the things to do, and Start working on the things that matter

Stop worrying about the things that are wrong, and Start celebrating what is right

Stop complaining about my schedule and workload, and Start working smarter

Perhaps this post should be named “Easier said than done.”






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You Don’t Want To What?

“I said, I don’t want to be infaptized.” Said our cute little five year old R. She had a frightened look on her face, and wanted to make sure her concern was aired. It came the day after our family had a fun long conversation around the dinner table about whether being baptized was a necessary step to be taken to enter into Heaven.

It was a great time- fun arguing, good natured debate, mainly between Michelle and I, with our 4 kids listening intently and interjecting once in awhile with some bit of information they had gleaned from the bible or Sunday school.

I happened to have lunch today with my pastor- first time ever. It was cool. It was a great casual conversation, devoid of any deep theological discussion. It was a time of just getting to know each other. I did ask him though, at the end of our meal, to help settle the question for our family. He asked me if when I wasn't wear my wedding ring would I still be married. “Yes” I responded. “Exactly.” He explained that my wedding ring is an outward statement, an obedience to my bond and word. If I don’t wear it on a day, or any day, I am still committed to my wife, and I am still married. It’s the same way with baptism. The act of baptism is an outward sign of our following of, and obedience to, Jesus Christ.

So, we asked R why she didn’t want to be infaptized. She said having someone else make her go underwater was way too scary.






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Dreams And Realities

Last week I had lunch with Matt- a nice young gent full of dreams. He is an aspiring illustrator/writer/animator that is in a life and death struggle with his dreams and his reality.

He is working for a good company and making a good living to support his young wife and new child. Like many people, he is also wrestling with a dream, or maybe an aching feeling- not quite yet crystallized and clear- that he was made to do something else. He wanted to meet to bounce his ideas, sketches and stories off me to see if I thought he had anything of value buried in the dirt and rocks of what his hands and mind had created.

He let me choose the place to meet for lunch, but I insisted he pick wherever he wanted to go. God bless him- he chose Pei Wei Asian Diner. Extra-Extra Spicy Kung Pao Chicken over salad was my choice (here in Nashville, you have to say EXTRA twice to really get a decent burn going- most Asian places that serve food to an abundance of middle-Tennessee white folks think you mean ‘just a tiny bit past mild’ if you only use one).

We chatted away while eating, and about half-way through our food, the portfolio came out and we got down to business. He slid across several scripts, drawings and concepts talking me through his ideas. As he got into the details of each story and character, he started to light up. I love to be around passionate people. Creators. Dreamers. The energy and sparks fuel me and push and prod me to stir up my own dreams.

He was now fired up, moving at full speed, practically spitting steamed rice at me as he described several ideas for television shows, online comic strips, animated video series and a kids book.

I held all my thoughts, observations and questions until he was finished, making sure he knew that was what I would do for fear he would think I was disengaged. I know from experience it’s best to let creatives mind-dump without interruption. They need to pour out an amazing number of words to make sure you taste the full flavor of what they are trying to communicate. After my comments and questions, I laid out what I thought he should do next with the ideas. I am not sure he will take my advice.

I remember several years ago a young lady that worked for the same company I did. She was one of our regular receptionists that were in charge of getting executives lunches or setting up food and drink for meetings when not on desk duty. After a year or so of saying ‘hello’ or ‘have a nice weekend’ when walking in or out of the front door, I decided to get to know her. She had moved to Nashville because one of her dreams was to become a singer. The other dream was to be an actress. Singing won out, so she was taking her shot working as a receptionist for one of the top music companies in the world hoping to get discovered somehow.

After a couple years, with nothing materializing, she decided to move to LA. Just up and move there- no family or friends to support her. She had a dream, a clear vision and a plan, and by God, she was going to do it.

I last saw her three years ago while in Los Angeles on business. I had a meeting at a major studio and on my way out to my car afterwards, I ran into her, totally unexpected, in the lobby of the building. I hadn’t spoken to her since she had moved to LA and didn’t know what she was up to. She was living her dream. Her current position wasn’t much beyond her former receptionist title, but outside of the office she was an actress. She had managed to get an agent, a series of head-shots, and had landed several spots as an extra on various television shows (including Friends). She was having fun, making progress, and could see light at the end of the long office hallway.

So the question I have is- will Matt take the plunge? Will he really chase his dreams? He is between a rock and a hard place, with a wife and child to support (THE PRIORITY), currently employed with a good income and benefits (COMFORT), but leaving no time to really pursue his dreams and hone his craft (RISK AND REWARD).

That is the challenge. That is the battle we are all in- unless you happen to have landed your dream. It is an epic battle between that what we must do, and that which we dream to do.






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Quiet In The Men's Room Please

A year ago last month I resigned a position at a great company to purse a dream. This month, that dream ends. I believe there are few coincidences in life. I don’t read into everything, making room for the “that just happened because it just happened” possibility. But with a little time and distance even some of those seem to paint a picture.

About sixteen years ago I was at the end of my rope. I was twenty-four years old, in a job I despised (and being encouraged daily by my boss to lie to make a sale), was still a newlywed (using the 12 months or fewer rule), and going through a very tough time adjusting to married life. On top of all that we were broke and had one car between us with jobs 25 miles away from each other. Things were not going well. Let’s just leave it at that.

In October of that year I hit the wall, and made a very simple request of God. “Please get me out of this mess, I promise I will shape up.” Not quite a fox-hole prayer, but close to it.

About a week later I was sitting in the parking lot of Giant Food grocery store waiting for my wife to finish her shift as a pharmacy tech. I was bored out of my mind because she was late finishing work, and no one had yet invented the Blackberry. I must read or do something all the time. Kind of a problem I have. In the back seat of our tin can Geo Spectrum sat a ceramic Christmas tree my mother-in-law had made for us. It was wrapped in newspaper. Yes!

I fished out a section and settled back to read while I sat in the no parking, no loading, no standing zone. I opened it up, looked to the top left hand corner, and there it was. “Music Company Seeks Sales Rep.” I had pulled out the classifieds.

Music has always been a big part of my life. In high school I played in a band called Entranzit and we did all the keg parties, battle-of-the-bands, the whole burrito. At the time I read the classified ad I was still writing, playing and recording as a hobby. My entire life I had wanted to work in the music business one way or the other. One more piece of background- I was starting to develop the ability to sell and persuade. “I could do this” I thought reading the detail of the ad.

I stepped out of the car, went to the pay phone next to the store entrance (no cell phone back then), and deposited the $3 or so in change the operator instructed me to (after running to the car to get it leaving the phone dangling off the hook, and the operator waiting).

The gent that answered the phone, Steve, told me that the position was still open, and that he and his boss were actually headed to the airport right then to fly into Baltimore and conduct interviews the next day. The slots were all booked, but he assured me I would get squeezed in if I showed up. I wrote down the name of the hotel, gave Steve my name, said thank you, and hung up.

I didn’t tell my wife when she got to the car. In fact, I didn’t tell her that night either, or the next morning. Fortunately she didn’t have to work the next day, and as she slept I called in sick and drove from my home in Gaithersburg, MD to the airport hotel some 40 miles away.

I got there at 7AM. Steve had mentioned the interviews started at 8, but I wanted to get there early in hopes of getting in first. I waited all day for someone to call my name. No one ever did. Unless, it happened the ONE time I couldn’t hold it any longer and hit the head. I tiptoed through the men’s room being as quiet as possible and straining to hear if my name was called out in the lobby right outside the door.

Around 6:30PM two guys came out of the elevator at dinnertime. The only way I knew these were THE guys was that one was wearing a jacket with the record company logo. I got up and introduced myself, and Steve said he sort of recalled our phone conversation the night before. Laran, his boss, invited me to join them for dinner. I told them I would love to, and would meet them at the table after I visited the restroom.

By dessert I had a job offer and accepted. Minor details: the position was in New York (they had hired someone already for the DC/Baltimore position, and saw me as a chance to cancel the next days trip and head home), our parents (both Michelle’s and mine) were in the Washington DC area, and, oh yeah, I still hadn’t told my wife about the ad in the paper or the interview. Oh, also, I didn’t know what the job paid. Turned out, territory sales reps didn’t make much. Less in fact than I was making in my current job. Much less.

As I drove home I thought to myself ‘She’s gonna kill me.” We didn’t speak for days. Finally, after much discussion and some persuasion (we laugh about it now) Michelle agreed to go north with me. It was touch-and-go there for awhile. Really. I believed God had provided this direction (and so told Michelle we WERE going to do this), and Michelle believed I was an idiot (and that we WERE NOT).

My first commission check in January 1991 was for $47. I didn’t care. It could have been for $4.70. I was out of my old job, and in the music business, and where I truly believed I was supposed to be. 15 years later I left that company and my position as the president.

Was that all coincidence? The Christmas tree, the newspaper, my wife running late that day, a guilt induced dinner that shut-out all the candidates in NYC? I don’t think so.

The weird thing is there were similar indications that led me to make the decision to leave my position last year and strike out with a start-up company and a dream. This time, things turned out differently. So, as I wrap up this month and this dream, I will be patient knowing that what has happened, good and bad, is preparing my family and I for what is next. We can’t see what that is now, but with a bit of time and distance behind us, I am sure it will be clear.






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Taco Bell Beggar

The koo is a start-up band I manage on the side. Good kids, strong hearts- they want to change the world through music and the arts, and they are working hard to hone their performance and songwriting. Last night they played a show at a small club in East Nashville called The Five Spot. My wife and I went, grabbed a beer, and had a few minutes to chat before they went on. They sounded great.

After the show I decided to hit Taco Bell for a bite to eat- I didn’t have a chance to grab dinner, though my wife did. Drove up to the drive through, placed my order, moved to the first window.

As we pulled up towards the window, in line with one car ahead of us, we noticed a beggar sitting on the ground, with his back to the building and on a small strip of sidewalk between the Taco Bell and the drive-through lane. He must have been under 20 years old, but already haggard looking, dirty, broken. His eyes were half-open, glancing around every so often, and was clutching the standard-issue bent-in-the-middle cardboard sign with black sharpie scribbled words “will work for food” or something like that.

[Insert sound-effect: flashback cue from ABC’s Lost]

A few weeks ago when my wife was not feeling well we skipped church. I thought it would be a great opportunity to crack open the “Jesus” DVD someone gave us. The Jesus Film Project is an outreach that has shown the film to over 6 billion people (how is that even possible? Amazing). Our family had not been in that number. None of us had ever seen it.

The film was ok- definitely dated looking, and since it was based on the book of Luke and only used dialogue from that ancient account, it was a little hard for our kids to follow. Everything was going well until a scene from the film really shook me. Jesus was walking with some folks and talking about real life issues and how to deal with them. Among those things he said was something that somehow I never really heard before. It’s from Luke 6:30- if someone begs of you- give to them. Not just a generic “thout shalt do this,” but a good old-fashioned red-letter statement from the Man himself. 40 years and never caught that. Interesting.

So back to last night. Decided to give this kid some money, so I rolled the window down and called to him holding out a few dollars. As he got up he started to pitch forward like he was going to pass out. He regained his strength, and as he approached the car he lost his balance again and had to thrust his hand onto the car door to keep his balance. He was drunk and could barely focus on the money. He gently took the money, mumbled a thank you, and plopped right back down on the ground.

After a few minutes (the car in front of us was obviously ordering tacos for a Vanderbilt frat house that had the munchies- it was taking way to long for their order) he struggled to get up again, holding the money in his left hand, and started to walk away. I assumed he was off to find something to “drink” with his newfound riches ($3 to be exact), and so was instantly frustrated and disappointed with the kid. Instead, he changed direction, and started moving to the Taco Bell doorway. He tried to enter, but it was locked- closed. Only the drive-through was open, and they don’t take walk-up orders. He disappeared around the corner of the building and we didn’t see him again.

It was the first time in many years I had given money to a beggar. Now and then I have done it- especially when I was caught off-guard or if my kids were with me (ouch. A hypocritical moment for sure). I always justified not giving money to beggars by assuring myself that if given, the money will quickly find itself at liquor store (or worse) buying a high for the next hour or so. I told myself that what I should do is go buy some food and give it to them- but of course I hardly ever did that. Just didn't have the time since I saw them mostly downtown when I was trying to get somewhere on time.

What Luke reminded me was that there are two transactions that occur when someone begs and we give. One is between God and giver, and a separate accountable transaction between God and receiver. I am being called to only concern myself with the first.

If anyone happens to read this, and has wisdom, suggestions or thoughts on how best to respond to beggars I would enjoy reading it. Leave a comment. Thanks.