Wednesday, December 06, 2006

How Much Farter To Dallas?

I am sure you have heard about this story already- it's all over the news. A Dallas-bound American Airlines plane, flight 1053 defarting from Washington D.C. was forced to make an emergency landing right here in grand ole Nashville, Tennessee, after a seated woman passenger attempted to conceal her escaped vapors by lighting matches.

The pilot made the emergency landing after passengers complained of smelling the burned matches and he believed it was not safe to continue the flight.

If you haven't read it, here is the link:

I feel for this lady. My hope is that the media protects her identity. Can you imagine? If she is identified, she will never live it down.

I want to help in some way. I thought it might be a good idea to offer her, and other frequent flyers, some ideas on how to manage this type of problem. I took a few minutes to brainstorm these ideas, and while I have not personally tested them, they seem like they might work:

  1. When you fly, bring along those fragrant bath oils that are in those little gelatin-like spheres. They have intense smell, are small and easy to place in your purse or pocket, and are well under the 4 ounce FAA limit. As soon as the wind escapes you, pop a couple of them and smear the oil all over the head-rest in front of you, your head-rest, and both your arm-rests.

  2. If you have advance notice of the impending problem, order a cocktail that typically comes with an onion garnish, and ask for extra onions. Drain the drink, leaving the onions, and bring the cup into the bathroom. Crush the onions with your fingers, pour a few ounces of warm water in the cup, and covering it with your hand, shake vigorously to release the onionness throughout the water. Pour liberally about the bathroom floor and then let 'er rip.

  3. Choose a strategic release time if you are able. I call this the "Oh My Gosh!" trick- or at least I do now. Keep your eyes open to see when another passenger is heading for the bathroom (if possible look for a large man or elderly person). Once you spot someone entering, get up and wait by the bathroom door. When the current occupant leaves, and is a few feet away, start to walk in and then pinch your nose and say very loudly "Oh…My…Gosh!" while waving your other hand in front of your face and securing eye contact with as many passengers as you can. When you get out, they will assume you are a brave and strong person to have withstood the odor from the previous passenger all that time, that even now still lingers.

I hope through this small contribution I may help this poor lady from American Airlines flight 1053. If not her, maybe some other traveler. If through this post I impact just one person, all of the work would have been worth it.

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