My A-ha! Moments

Life is full of moments where the light comes on. I figured I would jot a few a-ha moments of mine down for posterity.

Age 10
No matter how careful and deliberate you may try to forge a parents signature on a bad report card, it is quite impossible to make a kids handwriting look like an adults.

Age 11
Just because you get a silk shirt and leather jacket to look like Tony Manero (John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever), that alone in no way will make you cool.

Age 12
So few boys are brave enough to ask a girl to go steady, that if you do, odds are 1 in 2 you will get a yes.

Age 13
There are mean kids in the world that will seek out those who will not fight back and make their lives miserable.

Age 14
If you stand up to a bully, punch them in the head while they are trying to torment you in the boys locker room at school with a wet towel, and then drag them out into the hallway completely naked while they cry like a little girl, no one that knew you when the incident occured will bother you again. Ever.

Age 15
Learning to drive a stick-shift to prepare for a drivers test will ensure you pass, and will likely provide you with the skills to drive anything short of a semi-truck your entire life without difficulty.

Age 16
The whole 'turning sixteen is so cool' thing is a load of crap. Its just like 15, but with acne.

Age 17
The world of politics is cold and cruel and has very little substance about it. I learned this when running for class president. If your opponent is the most popular and beautiful girl in the high school, you will lose for sure. All the guys will vote for her (I did- I couldn't help myself), and so will most all the girls since they are all her friends, or aspire to be. Even if her candidacy is based on getting the school to re-paint locker doors in your choice of 5 colors and yours is about raising funds to improve the arts and sports facilities.

Age 18
It's you against the world. This is proved when the state you live in raises the drinking age from 18 to 21 seventy-eight days before your 18th birthday.

Age 19
College is so much easier than people make it out to be.

Age 20
College is very hard.

Age 21
No matter how much money you make, without discipline and focus, you will spend all of it plus some.

Age 22
Don't get a big dog if you live in an apartment and are gone 9-10 hours at a time.

Age 23
Don't throw a party in your small apartment and let people know they are free to bring friends without being very clear about how many friends they may invite, and, that the offer is non-transferable. If you aren't, the police and fire departments will show up sooner than you think.

Age 24
The government is evil. They will gleefully take more and more of your money in the form of income tax, thinking they can spend it better than you, while your friends working cash jobs pay no taxes at all.

Age 25
Despite years of writing songs, playing in bands and recording music, I'm simply not good enough at it to make a living. Thank you God for letting me see that at 25, and not when I'm 43 years old playing piano in a Holiday Inn lounge.

Age 26
Marriage is much harder than I ever thought it would be.

Age 27
Having a child is one of the most significant events a man can ever be a part of. It will make you admire your wife even more, and make you cry like a little baby. But amazingly you won't care. And, while it doesn't make marriage easier, it makes it more meaningful.

Age 28
If someone is conspiring against you, or talking down about you when you aren't around, or gossiping about you and you confront them calmly and directly- in private-they will almost always go out of their way to be nice to you and support you from then on.

Age 29
Your second child is as amazing and awe inspiring of an experience as your first.

Age 30
Being promoted beyond your peers wipes out almost every friendship you have with them. Those that remain are different and not as fulfilling.

Age 31
If you return every phone call, take notes at every meeting and follow-up each meeting in writing, and do what you say you will do, people will be amazed and think you are very smart and give you promotions and raises.

Age 32
While having your third child is amazing and awe inspiring, it really starts to make you think about paying for education and weddings (especially if you have three girls).

Age 33
Being in a position of leadership can be heartbreakingly lonely.

Age 34
There are many people in the world that want me dead just because I am an American. Also, during a time of war or national emergency, the desire to get home- especially when stuck oversees- is overwhelming almost to the point of panic.

Age 35
After having a fourth daughter, it makes you wonder if it would be a good idea to stop having kids.

Age 36
Even if you learned to drive a stick-shift as a kid, if you rent one in Ireland where everything is opposite (the side you drive on, where the gas, brake and clutch pedals are- everything) it will do hardly any good.

Age 37
If you start participating in a 401-k early, and put in the maximum allowable contribution, you can amass a startlingly large sum of money.

Age 38
I am much better at recalling the nice things I say to other people than they, while they are significantly better at recalling the hurtful things I have said to them than I.

Age 39
It's fun running your own company.

Age 40
It's not always fun running your own company.

Age 40 & 1/2
George Bush is the most powerful man in the history of the world- even more so than Bill Clinton or Kofi Annan. That is the only explanation for so many people believing he is responsible for terrorism, unemployment, Katrina, Kyoto, global warming, global cooling, anti-Americanism, inflation, recession, depression, oil prices going up, oil prices coming down, ancient middle Eastern turmoil, the decline of democracy, tsunamis, Darfur, 9-11, illegal immigration, bad French hygiene, the ozone hole, melting polar ice caps, the USS Cole bombing, The OKC bombing, Paris suburb riots, bird-flu, Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan going commando, dumb kids, dumb teachers and obesity.







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