Sunday, March 25, 2007

How To Decrease Traffic To Your Blog

Anybody can write a post about increasing traffic to a blog. Blog carnivals, tags, visiting and commenting on other blogs, blah, blah, blah. As an aspiring contrarian, my post will be all about decreasing traffic. Here are 10 tips for decreasing traffic to your blog:

1. Include in a post some off-hand comment that indicates you are not a cat or dog person.

2. Reveal something about your political bent.

3. Occasionally touch on matters of faith. A dash here or there is enough to drive away the atheists, and not enough keeps away the pure-play faith bloggers.

4. Leave comments on other blogs that are in conflict with the basic premise of the blog. Here are a few examples:

-Blog about knitting: Comment- Cant machines do what you all do better and cheaper? Why do you even try?
-Blog about cats: Comment- I don’t understand why people like cats. Dogs are much smarter, better companions, and a more meaningful part of the family.
-Blog about dogs: Comment- I don’t understand why people like dogs. Cat’s are much better house pets. They’re smarter, play more gently and don’t stink to high heaven.
-Blog about horses: Comment- Just wondering, why don’t they allow the sale and consumption of horse meat in the USA? Our family had it in France and loved it!
-Blog about…you get the idea. Just be creative and have fun with it.


5. Drop in multiple AdSense units, and put all the widgets at the top of your blog and save all the content for far down the page.

6. After every comment left on your blog, respond in the comments section with something like “Why did you leave a comment? Did I ask for one? Please don’t do that again.”

7. Start a new series of posts where you publish one word per day of a really good story each day for 1000 days.

8. Start a new series of posts about toilet cleaning techniques.

9. Create a cute set of special days of the week that drive the content of your posts:
-Sad Sunday: A sad story that is sure to depress.
-Masticate Monday: Submitted pictures of chewed food.
-Tooth decay Tuesday: Submitted pictures of real life tooth decay.
-Worry Wednesday: A top 10 list of what you’re worrying about on that day.
-Thighbone Thursday: Submitted pictures of the biggest and best turkey and chicken thigh bones before and after eating.
-Freckle Friday: A series of posts that document your freckles one by one with stories and pictures.
-Sarcophagus Saturday: Submitted pictures of the coolest looking large stone coffins in neighborhood cemeteries.


10. Create a post called “Top 10 things I hate about bloggers” and submit it to all the big carnivals on BlogCarnival.com.








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5 comments:

Christa said...

haha!

Well, I'M not scared. Great blog, even though, of course, you didn't ask for my comment. :)

Yes, Lawhead ROCKS. I loved the Song of Albion Trilogy, still read it from time to time. Pendragon cycle (the first 3) was amazing also. Byzantium continues to be my life's 'Theme Book'. He's such a fabulous author, I'm surprised he's not more well known.

I purchased Hood in January, and will be cracking it open this week, I've been saving it until I got some more menial books out of the way.

MyBestInvest said...

I must have been practicing many of these things subliminally. My SiteMeter contains the evidence.

Very good post!

Liza's Eyeview said...

You might be surprised how Item # 9 might increase your blog traffic - LOL!

Incidentally, our family just got back from a weekend Spring Break get-away adn went to a palce where I cannot blog. When I left last Saturday, my rank was 89 n blogtopsite (parenting category). When I checked when we got back today Monday, my rank is now 105! No wonder this is the first post I read when I logged in! :)

Greg said...

Thanks for the suggestions. I will try to remember to reference this if I ever have too many visitors, I am not too worried though.;-)

DigitalRich said...

Why did you all leave comments? Did I ask for one? Please don't do that again.

;)