Friday, July 13, 2007

Dog Attack

At dinner last night the family stumbled into a discussion about dogs that brought back a distant memory. I then shared that story with the family. And the kids were so kind to sit there and humor the old man by listening to my story of way back then…

I was a door-to-door salesman for CableTV Montgomery. My purpose was to get in peoples home by knocking on the door, telling them I could get them a month of free cable service, free installation, free premium channels and a free cable box. Absolutely no cost! Free! Seriously!

I then would sign them up and leave with a $72 check. We did give them a free month of cable, but they had to buy months 2-4 in advance to get it. Oh, and if you didn’t want hole through your hardwood floor it would cost $50 for the “advanced/quality installation.”

Yes, I know, might as well sold used cars.

So, anyway, I pulled up to one huge house in Chevy Chase Maryland, stepped out of the car grabbling my giant presentation book, and walked towards the house. A heard a strange noise- a pounding and rushing sound. And then I saw it. A massive dog, probably 100 pounds, running full speed with teeth bare in an amazingly quiet sneak attack. As he closed in on me the barking and growling started, and he did not appear to be bluffing me. He was going for the kill.

I didn’t panic (at least I didn’t tell my family I did) and did the only thing I could think to do. As the dog lunged at me, I brought my huge binder (about 5 inches think and probably weighed 10lbs) down on the dogs head as hard as I could. He collapsed to the ground with a whimper and laid there.
The homeowner, a nice lady in a dress far to formal for a Saturday morning, came running over to me surprisingly much more concerned about me than her dog. She apologized, asked me into the house without knowing why I was there, and handed me off to her husband as she hurried upstairs.

The man explained to me that the dog does this all the time, no worries about knocking him out cold- he’ll be fine- and that they were in a hurry to get to their daughters wedding. I told him I was sorry for intruding and would come back another time. “Nonsense”, he said, “how can I help you?”

I gave him the 30 second version of my sales pitch, just wanting to get out of there with my life. He pulled out his checkbook, wrote a check, asked me to fill out all the paperwork for him and that installation next week would be fine. He escorted me out to my car, holding the now awakened beast by the collar and I drove away.

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