Friday, June 15, 2007

I Couldn’t Make This One Up

Allow me to set the stage. A nice party for a girl’s softball team- players, coaches and parents at one of the parents homes. Cookout. Beer. Firepit. Loud music. Screaming girls. Parents huddled together trying to have conversation. My wife was not feeling well and stayed home with my other 3 girls so I was batching it. Got it?

I was in conversation with my co-assistant coach John and his wife when another parent joined in. Her daughter was over with the rest of the girls waiting her turn for karaoke by the fire pit. I was enjoying my second incredibly good cheeseburger (cookout food tastes WAY BETTER when I don’t have to do the cooking) when the conversation turned spiritual.

We all talked a bit about the churches we attended and why when the new comer chimed in (I’ll call her Sue).

John and his wife attend Fellowship and I attend The Peoples Church in Franklin. Sue mentioned that she had attended both of those churches when she moved into the area but did not find it to her liking. She and her husband settled on a church that I had not heard of some distance out of town. We asked her why she didn’t like our churches, assuring her we would take no offense- each to their own.

She leaned in closer as the music got much louder...and the girls did too. Sue explained that she found our churches, and several others, to be just too…well…casual. She preferred a more formal church and liturgical service. When pressed to explain further she opened up. Turns out that she feels there is a lack of modesty and reverence in our more modern and emergent churches. Men in golf shorts and jeans, girls with skirts cut up to here, and low cut blouses ‘advertising to all the world what you’ve got.” She found it just too disrespectful for a church service.

Back to the stage-setting. As Sue is explain this to us, and leaning in close so I could hear her above the din, I noticed, though I tried my BEST not to, that her low cut and loose shirt billowed open 2 feet from my face. And there in all their glory were a couple things I don't think she realized she was 'advertising.'

At that exact moment it was her daughter’s turn on karaoke. As I averted my eyes and looked over Sue’s head at the girls, her daughter launched into a perfect version of Fergie’s “My Humps” belting out all the lyrics by heart, and dancing the Fergie music-video moves as if she had been practicing them for a year.

"My Humps" by the lovely and modest Fergie

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)

What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon' do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I'm a make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump (ha), my hump, my hump, my hump (what).
My hump, my hump, my hump (ha), my lovely lady lumps (Check it out)

See…I told you so.

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